Well, the jerks I cover here have really had a hard time the last few days, keeping up with their elected leaders in the piggishness race. But we can't bottle them up too long, or they'll explode for sure. So here's the best of an indifferent bunch:
Chuck Norris, Town Hall: "Stalin-Style U.S. Public Education"
Because teachers are allowed to have a union. That makes them just like Stalin. Unlike Chuck Norris, whose opinions make him just like Daffy Duck.
Humberto Fontova, Town Hall: "Libya is no Cuba, Gadaffi is no Castro or Che "
In fact, right wingers were just kidding when they spent ten years screaming about Muslim terrorists. It turns out that Fidel, who hasn't threatened an American in decades, is lots worse than a guy who bombed airplanes a few years back. This post has to win some sort of award for no shame. Although the competition in that category is pretty stiff among conservatives.
Mona Charen, Town Hall: "Should Boys Be Wrestling Girls?"
Yeah, but only in private.
Tina Korbe, Town Hall: "Government's Not-So-Jolly Intervention in Christmas Tree Industry"
Believe me, you don't even want to know. I guess the war on Christmas starts in February now. It gets longer every year, just like the Republicans' search to find a presidential candidate that isn't so stupid that he (or she- you know who I'm talking about, Sarah) doesn't make a fool out of himself every time he gets in front of a microphone. Or a turkey farmer.
Ben Domenech, Red State: "Ronald Reagan’s Legacy with Today’s Youth"
That would be nothing, as far as I can tell. Good thing, too.
Patrick Poole, Pajamas Media: "Was the U.S. a Victim of an Economic 9/11 in 2008? An unclassified Defense Department report we're making available exclusively at the PJ Tatler makes a case for financial terrorism being suspected in the '08 economic crash."
Boy, right wingers will believe anything rather than take any responsibility for the consequences of their greed. And you can find out all about it if you will only send them some money.
Jim Hoft, Gateway Pundit: "Bogus NYT-CBS Poll: Only 27% of Americans Support Tea Party But They Sure Love the Public Unions"
It must be bogus- Jim didn't like the results.
Jim Hoft, Gateway Pundit: "SICK… Media Matters Smear Merchant Eric Boehlert Amused By Violence Against FOX News Reporter "
Well, not violence, really. They just stood behind the Fox news reporters and yelled "Fox News Lies" over and over again. Well, this is Jim Hoft talking here. We know he thinks telling the truth is perverted.
Joan Swirsky, Renew America: "Guts & gonads make Rudy the only choice in 2012"
Rudy? Rudy Giuliani? Please, God, let Joan have her way here. He's going to have less people vote for him than showed up at Hermann Goering's Bar Mitzvah.
Astute Bloggers: "WHY DOES OBAMA FLY IN A PERSONAL TRAINER ONCE A MONTH FROM CHI-TOWN? REALLY: WHY FLY HIM IN!?!?!? IS THIS GUY IS OBAMA'S GO-BETWEEN HIM AND ... ??? FARRAKHAN? OR IS HE MICHELLE'S LOVER!?!?!?"
Well, I'm sure you've figured it out, Astute ones. I bet the guy is the connection between Obama and Farrakhan, AND Michelle's lover, and probably Barack's crack dealer too, and maybe even the guy who sits up at night and reads Obama excerpts from Saul Alinsky. You guys are so smart.
Jim Hoft, Gateway Pundit: "Hillary Clinton Says Anti-Semitic Anti-American Aljazeera Puts American Media to Shame"
Jim, Mad Magazine puts the American media to shame.
Confederate Yankee: "Yes, Kids. The Left Supports Terrorism...Representing some 30,000 public service employees in Illinois and Northwest Indiana, the union is one of the largest labor organizations in the Midwest. Like any union, it seeks to maximize the interests of its members. But its leaders are also intensely political. Delivering good contracts is part of what leaders see as a far larger challenge: eliminating capitalist injustices against workers and "people of color" everywhere. "
Eliminating injustice is terrorism. How thankful we all are to have this wonderful lesson from Mr. Yankee.
Raymond Ibrahim, Pajamas Media: "Mosques Flourish in America; Churches Perish in Muslim World"
And of course, the Conservatives have the answer to this problem: Let's treat those horrible Muslims just like they treat us. Yeah, that's a good strategy.
Jim Hoft, Gateway Pundit: "Wisconsin Officials Says It Will Cost Up to $7.5 Million to Clean After Protest “Slobs”
God, maybe they are paying the janitors too much.
Oh wait, this just in: That cleanup figure has now been reduced from $7.5 million to, well, uh, zero. Turns out that someone just made up the $7.5 million thing. Of course that didn't stop Jim and a whole bunch of other right wing assholes from running with the story.
Jim Hoft, Gateway Pundit: "BREAKING: LIVE AMMUNITION FOUND OUTSIDE WISCONSIN CAPITOL BUILDING-The left has ramped up their vitriol for two weeks– NOW THIS—–
Wisconsin police told reporters today that they found live ammunition scattered outside the capitol."
Of course, it's just fine and dandy for teabagger lunatics to march around at demonstrations, belligerently brandishing loaded guns.
World Net Daily: "Amazing! 17 times bigger than sun"
What, Sarah Palin's ego?
Bob Owens, Confederate Yankee: "More Union Violence Ignored...Union thugs rushed a restaurant when lawmakers were eating"
Of course, anyone following the news lately already knows that every union member is a thug. That goes without saying. Apparently, "rushing a restaurant," whatever that means, is now violence, like, oh, shooting a Democratic congresswoman in the head or something. Unfortunately, we'll never know, because ol' Bob there didn't see fit to give us any details or links about this story. Probably has about as much substance as the $7.5 million cleanup bill. Or anything else Republicans have to say.