Drug Tests

I just wanted to provide a quick explanation of why Trump is demanding every day now that Biden take a drug test before the debate tonight.

As you know, the main weapon that Trump has mobilized in his entire campaign against Biden is the claim that Biden has deeply descended into senility and cannot mentally handle the job of President.  This is ludicrous to anyone who has seen Biden give a speech or speak to an interviewer this year, but that was the reason which Trump had settled on to convince people to vote against Biden.

Needless to say, as is usual with Trump, this patent smear was a gross act of projection, as it is clear that Trump himself is deeply mentally deficient.  However, a problem occurred to Trump's handlers: this claim was setting the bar for Biden so low that if Biden managed to sit upright in his chair for ninety minutes and not drool on his suit, he could well be declared the winner- a strategy that Trump himself had used to his benefit many times in the past.  So, out of nowhere, the last couple of weeks, Trump spokesmen started stating the opposite:

"Jason Miller, an adviser to President Trump’s reelection campaign, said in an interview published Friday evening that Joe Biden is “actually a very good debater,” appearing to run counter to the GOP’s confidence that the former vice president would hand Trump an embarrassing gaffe that could spark a negative news cycle.

“Joe Biden is actually a very good debater. He doesn’t have as many gaffes as he does in his everyday interviews,” Miller told The Washington Post. “I would make the argument that Joe Biden would even be the favorite in the debates since he’s been doing them for 47 years.”

Well, that position would never do.  First of all, Trump was not going to give up a weapon that he had created all by himself, and second he could never allow anyone to say that he had been wrong about Biden or anything else.  What to do?

And here is Trump's brilliant solution:

“I don’t know how he could have been so incompetent in his debate performances and then all of a sudden be OK against Bernie,” Mr. Trump said in the interview. “My point is, if you go back and watch some of those numerous debates, he was so bad. He wasn’t even coherent. And against Bernie, he was. And we’re calling for a drug test.”

See, Biden is actually a deranged, mentally devastated codger, but the Democrats have discovered a drug that can make him act entirely rationally for a couple of hours.  If someone had developed a medicine that could, even temporarily, erase the effects of senile dementia, they would be very rich now, would have probably won the Nobel Prize (a feat that Trump will never achieve) and we would be seeing ads for this product every time we turned on the TV; but no, they cynically kept the secret to themselves just to damage Donald Trump.  

And so, Trump thinks he has found a way to have his rotten cake and eat it too:  Biden is indeed senile, but it is being hidden from the American people by the most amazing drug to be invented since Aspirin, which is being kept secret and devoted not to the good of humanity, but solely to precipitate a coup against our beloved President.

And if you believe that, well...after all Trump voters are the people who think Hillary eats dead babies.