A Cheap Shot

Boy, the news is so boring today, that old Green Eagle has nothing to do but make fun of Jonah Goldberg. I want to add that I haven't even read his latest article, but I am nevertheless positive that we can have some good fun with it. So, let's see if I'm right:

"The mainstream perception that conservatives are close-minded and dogmatic while liberals are open-minded and free-thinking has it almost exactly backward. Liberal dogma is settled: The government should do good, where it can, whenever it can.... Meanwhile, conservatism's dogma remains forever in flux. We constantly debate the trade-offs between freedom and virtue, the conflicts between liberty and order."


I'll buy into that one, Jonah, as long as you agree to a couple of slight word changes: "Conservatives debate the trade-offs between freedom and what's best for the rich, the conflicts between liberty and what's best for the rich. And did I mention that freedom and liberty just happen to lose every time, in order to keep us safe? Oh, and by the way, guess which side pays Mr. Jonah's salary? Hint, it's not freedom and liberty."

Oh, and Jonah, I'm sure we all agree that the idea that "the government should do good where it can" is just totally repugnant to every decent human being.

"My ideal ticket in 2008 would have been Cheney-Gramm. That's right, Dick Cheney and Phil Gramm: two old white guys who would crush our enemies and liberate our economy while shouting, "You kids get off my lawn!" at the filthy hippies who would inevitably accumulate outside the White House like so much bathroom fungus. "


Crush our enemies and liberate our economy. Cheney. If that's what he would do, the why the hell didn't he do it in the eight years that he had the chance, you jackass, instead of the exact opposite. Oh, but NOW he'll crush our enemies and liberate our economy, if you only give him another eight years, instead of crushing our economy and liberating our enemies, like he did the first eight. Jonah, you're off your meds again.

"Gone are the days when a great but uncharismatic president like Calvin Coolidge could get elected because he promised to do as little as possible."


Jonah, the only "great" I have ever heard in connection with Calvin Coolidge is the Great Depression. Are you really sure you want to go there? Of course, give Dick Cheney another eight years, ane he'll show you "great."

"Also, partisans like to believe that whenever their guy wins, it's because their ideas have been ratified by the American people..."


Of course, that is only true when your jerk steals the White House, not when our guy wins in a landslide. No, because America is a "center right" country, which you tell us every time you can get a word in edgewise, so ordinary Americans can only support Republican policies, right?

"But it also probably means that we won't have a chance to implement those ideas until the GOP finds a winning salesman or vessel for them...."


You go with that, Jonah. There's not a thing wrong with the way the Republicans ran the country for the last eight years. All they need is to run Billy Mays or Vince the Sham Wow guy, and they'll be right back up there again.

"On the bright side, nobody knew who the hell Barack Obama was the day before yesterday either."


Jonah, you probably can't remember who your own mother was the day before yesterday. Sorry, most of the rest of us don't have that problem.

This from the man who discovered that Hitler was a liberal. looks like it's the best they can do, folks. Deal with it.

By the way, Jonah, don't worry, the rest of us remember who your mother is. She's one of the most disgusting partisan hacks in the history of your party. It wouldn't really be fair to attack your mother if it weren't for the fact that, without her, you'd be working in a Burger king somewhere.

Comments

Poll P. said…
Isn't Lucianne Goldberg the 'patriot' who finagled Linda Tripp into entrapping Bill Clinton via Monica Lewinsky?

Nice Mother's Day post, btw.

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