Sunday, July 19, 2009

The New Declaration of Idiocy

It sure is a slow news day. As an alternative to bringing you Green Eagle's usual collection of barely relevant complaining, I thought you would like to see this interesting new "Declaration of Independence," from the ever wise people at Free Republic:

"It cannot be denied that the central government has become destructive of our unalienable rights to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness and our rights to live free."

Live free, as in "be raped by insurance companies, defense contractors and anyone else with enough money to buy a Republican congressman or two." But you already figured that out, I'm sure.

We have reached the point where the government's long train of abuses and usurpations has achieved absolute Despotism, therefore it is our right, it is our duty, to throw off such Government"

Of course. It's our duty. Because Obama appointed a car czar or something. Really. That was one step too far. It's a dictatorship now.

"An interim provisional Chief Executive and congressional representatives will be established"

I think you can imagine how that would work out. Hello, President Joe the Plumber.

"We must reestablish that representation by repealing the 17th amendment and allowing the state legislatures of the various states to elect their own senators as intended by our founders. This was never intended to be a function of the people."

I mean, what right do people have to elect their representatives? Back into your cages, proles!

"We hereby repeal the 17th amendment. "

It's kind of funny how people who claim to have so much respect for the Constitution have decided that they can just "hereby repeal" it. Imagine what else they will be "hereby repealing" as soon as they get up a little speed.

"The central government has expanded well beyond the limits established for it by the founders and pay for that expansion by directly taxing the people and severely restricting our rights through an enslaving income tax."

"We hereby repeal the 16th amendment."

Hey, what a surprise! One of the first things they are going to repeal is the notion that they have any obligation to pay for the services they use! In their new free country, everything is free! Whoopee! Free at last!

By the way, just as an aside, I'm still interested in this "Hereby repeal" thing. You know how wingnuts have made a major pastime lately with their preposterous claim that Obama is governing just like Hitler? Well, one of the first things Hitler did when he took over was to create the infamous "enabling act," which authorized him to "hereby repeal" any part of the German constitution he pleased. Like I said, just an aside.

"The IRS and all sub departments and agencies are hereby dissolved, disbanded and closed."

What a surprise. Longtime acquaintances of Green Eagle will know that I have been claiming for twenty years that all American Conservatism really consists of is "cut my taxes." That's the whole thing. The rest is just window dressing.

"Ownership and responsibility for all federally held buildings, lands, parks, waterways, oceans, seas, etc, other than those in Washington, D.C. or military bases, forts, reservations, or local federal buildings owned by valid constitutional federal departments (see schedule) are hereby transferred to the sovereign state governments within which they reside or are located."

No more National parks, etc. God, their greed is boundless. They would rather see Yellowstone and Yosemite turned into sewage dumps, that pay a few bucks a year to keep them up. Just the sort of person we want making decisions about our lives.

"Responsibility for all natural resources found within any of the various states or within lands, oceans, lakes, rivers, waterways, seas out through our international boundary limits are hereby returned to the various states. All laws for mining, drilling, logging, or otherwise capitalizing on any minerals or natural resources are to be determined by the various states within which said resources are found. "

I.e. drill, baby, drill.

"The social security system is hereby dissolved, disbanded and closed."

Saurprise, surprise! I wonder who will end up keeping the money. I bet it won't be you or me. My suspicion is that they will let Bernie Madoff out of jail to handle the job.

"No revenues accruing to the federal government shall be disbursed to any state, city or local government for any reason whatsoever."

No, so the Federal government can't spend any money there, say, for civil rights legislation, or consumer protection, or environmental protection. That will really help things.

"The interstate commerce clause shall be applied strictly to regulating interstate commerce as originally established and intended by our founders."

The founders, who presciently provided for the realities of radio and television, railroads and airlines, space travel, online banking and gambling. Yes, whatever they knew about is all we need to know to run our country.

"The Federal Reserve.

Border security.


FAA, FDA, FCC, various federal ABC departments agencies and agencies. Which to close, which to remake with constitutional limits and authority, etc.

Federal Pensions.

Etc, etc, etc."

I guess they didn't get to these parts before naptime. Still, I think you can extrapolate from the above to guess pretty accurately what they will do with medicare, federal pensions, the FAA, FDA, FCC and all the rest. Thank God these people are out there working to protect our freedoms.

"This concept is an entirely peaceful altering of our despotic government per our unalienable right and duty."

Entirely peaceful. Oh, yes. I guess that's why you filthy assholes are out there buying up guns like there's no tomorrow.

We're just really lucky that you all are so totally stupid. Otherwise, I might be afraid.

1 comment:

mastercynic said...

You are so totally wrong and completely out of line with your comment about the American Conservative movement being only about "cut my taxes." These true patriots don't want their taxes cut 0 they want them eliminated! Only poor people should pay taxes - they're the ones using up all the government services after all. And they want to make more poor people so there is a greater tax base. How else can you explain the systematic and deliberate destruction of the American Middle Class? Lords and serfs - it worked in the middle ages and it will work now.