Sunday, February 7, 2010

The Green Eagle Literacy Test

Some of you may have heard about Tom Tancredo's loudly applauded remark at the recent tea party convention:

"we do not have a civics, literacy test before people can vote in this country"

Now, knee-jerk liberals have been quick to condemn this idea, but Green Eagle is not so sure. In a spirit of public service, Green Eagle has prepared the following draft of a literacy test which he thinks might very well improve the quality of the American electorate:

1. Barack Obama is:
A. The President of the United States
B. A Communist from Kenya

2. Global warming is:
A. A serious threat to the continued economic health of our country
B. A massive plot, perpetrated for no discernible reason by a major part of the world's scientists, expertly refuted by reports funded by Exxon.

3. If a government cuts taxes to the rich:
A. It ends up with less money
B. I'm too stupid to figure out that less is less

3. The future of the social security system is best served by:
A. Stopping Republican plans to plunder its funds to give to the rich
B. Turning all the money over to Wall Street guys to gamble with

4. The Iraq war was:
A. A criminal aggression against an innocent country, justified by lies
B. The greatest thing since the crusades

5. Letting corporations spend our democracy into oblivion with campaign contributions would be:
A. An abomination
B. A noble victory for the rights of ordinary American people

6. Making sure that everyone has health care is:
A. A really good idea
B. The quickest way to end up with a dead granny

7. The best way for our government to enhance our standing in the world is:
A. For our leaders to act like adults
B. To kill lots of brown people

8. If I want some information on the economy, it would make more sense to listen to:
A. Nobel prize winning Princeton economics professor Paul Krugman
B. Sarah Palin

9. African Americans are
A. Still facing major obstacles in our society
B. A bunch of racists who want white people to pay them to sit around on their front porches and eat watermelon all day

10. Ronald Reagan was:
A. A hundred times better than George Washington
B. A con man who steered our country right toward a new depression

Now, see how useful a literacy test could be?


Derek said...

1. A

2. C, science is still ambiguous, perpetuated by the IPCC and CRU in order to receive monetary benefits and gain power.

3. C, depends on how much but it increases tax revenue as the rich then reinvest their saved money, creating jobs and expanding their businesses. See 2003 Tax Cuts for further information (2006 was our highest tax revenue ever). Also note that the budget was balanced in the 90's by cutting a tax.

4.(or as you call it, "3.") Allow people to opt out and invest it themselves

5. C, a legitimate act of war against an aggressive nation that was breaking international law.

6. B, campaign donations are a form of free speech.

7. A, good thing everyone already has healthcare.

8. A, note this doesn't include being pompous while bowing to random leaders.

9. B, because Paul Krugman contradicts himself on a daily basis. A better source would be a large grouping of economists, not just a fringe loony like Krugman.

10. C, given more privileges than whites, breaking the equal protection and civil liberties clauses of the 14th amendment.

11. C, better than most presidents, gave us the longest period of economic growth in US history.

Nice test, did I pass?

Green Eagle said...


You flunk. No vote for you.

Derek said...

But I got all of the answers correct! Oh, I get it, you have to be uniformed to vote in GE's world.