Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Wingnut Wrapup

Boy, these guys have been tedious lately. It's taken me days to compile enough of their stuff for this column. Oh well, here goes:

Walter Williams, Town Hall: "Will Republicans Save Us?"

Don't bet on it, Walt. Unless, by "us" you mean really rich guys.

Erick Erickson, Red State: "The Democrats’ Disaster: More Americans Question Barack Obama’s Birth Story Than Support the Ground Zero Mosque"

And I guess you are really proud of yourself and your associates for getting them to believe that. And this guy was recently hired by CNN as a commenter. Our liberal media at work.

Art Horn, Pajamas Media: "NOAA and GISS claim a warm Arctic region made this June a record-breaker. They don't have a single thermometer in the Arctic!"

Art...no, wait. Forget it. No one can get through to someone this stupid.

Jim Hoft, Gateway Pundit: "Ambassador John Bolton: Israel Has 8 Day Deadline to Attack Iran"

What, or else John Bolton is going to throw a tantrum? Listen, who would listen to a guy with the dumbest mustache since Hitler?

Jim Hoft, Gateway Pundit: "Ahmadinejad’s Ramadan Wish: Victory of Muslim Faithful Over Enemies"

Now, that is abominable. None of Jim's "Christian" friends would ever wish for their victory over enemies.

Kathleen Parker, Newsmax: "It is generally true that you get what you pay for, but not necessarily when it comes to higher education. A new study scheduled for release Monday about the value of a college education, at least when it comes to the basics, has found the opposite to be true in most cases. Forget Harvard and think Lamar. Indeed, the Texas university, where tuition runs about $7,000 per year (compared to Harvard's $38,000), earns an "A" to Harvard's "D" based on an analysis of the universities' commitment to core subjects deemed essential to a well-rounded, competitive education."

"Forget Harvard and think Lamar." You do that, Kathleen. I'm sure it will work out really well for you. By the way, in case you're wondering, this survey was conducted by a "foundation" started by (among others) Lynne Cheney and Joe Lieberman. Just thought you'd like to know.

Kathleen Parker, Newsmax: "Olive Street Embodies Sarah Palin's Small-Town Values...I’ve given this a lot of thought. Despite all my implicit exposure to small-town values, I never really understood what they were until I moved to Olive Street, a three-block-long street in the nation’s capital."

Oh, I see...that small town. Washington D.C. You didn't understand small town values until you experienced them in Washington D.C. Have you the faintest clue how stupid you just made yourself sound?

Alan Caruba, Renew America: "Obama is America's new Jim Jones...Allowing the Bush tax cuts to expire will raise taxes across the board at the worst possible time in the midst of a major recession. This isn't delusional, it's intentional. It is Barack Obama's Kool-Aid for America."

Well, let's just add Jim Jones to Hitler, Stalin, Pol Pot, Robert Mugabe, Satan, and who knows who else, as a historical figure exactly like Obama. Because it is obviously just like mass murder to raise taxes on the rich.

Frank Maguire, Renew America: "Progressivist collectivism: the "socialist" manifestations of statist planning (Part IV)"

God, I am never going to read that article. Life's too short.

American Digest: "Even though the automobile population of Los Angeles has quintupled since my childhood, a great deal of progress has been made in smog control and reduction. Compared to my childhood, the air of Los Angeles is now pure and pristine. Alas, to Progressives, this progress is no progress; any improvement shy of perfection is no improvement at all. Automobiles remain. Pollution remains. Los Angeles remains. Curses, foiled again!"

Of course, it was progressives who campaigned for decades to get those smog controls enacted, opposed every step of the way by people like you. But let's just not think about that, okay?

Chuck Norris, Town Hall: "President Obama: Muslim Missionary?"

I don't think so, Chuck. Listen, while we're on the subject, maybe you should try to learn something about Muslims before you shoot your mouth off about them. See, Muslims don't really have missionaries. That's one reason I'm pretty sure Obama isn't one; the other reason being that I am not a brain dead, racist ass.

Joseph Farah, World Net Daily: "Glenn Beck may hate socialism and communism, but he shares a materialistic worldview with Marx, Engels and Saul Alinksy"

Oy. Now Glenn Beck is a communist too. It just isn't a good idea to cross these people.

Can I remind you that World Net Daily is the second most read political website in the country? Whoops, I shouldn't have done that while you were eating. Anyone here know the Heimlich maneuver?

Sher Zieve, Renew America: "ObamaGov establishing Islam as official USA state religion...Why do I make these claims?"

Because you are a stupid and very evil liar? Because Space Monkeys are controlling your brain from the planet ZZoxon? Because someone who is even stupider than you is paying you to write things like this? Those are the answers that spring to my mind.

Victor Volsky, American Thinker: "Mindless sycophancy of Obama groupies aside, what gives his admirers the reason to believe in the incomparable intellectual faculties of their idol? "

Oh, I don't know, Victor. What gave you guys the reason to believe that George Bush could tie his own shoelaces?

Judie Brown, Renew America: "God is laughing! Why aren't you?"

I am, Judy. At you.

3 comments:

mastercynic said...

Is World Net Daily part of the Weekly World News empire because I've been having trouble locating BatBoy lately.

Green Eagle said...

As a former devoted reader of Weekly World News myself, I feel lost without their crack photographers to show us the face of Satan in every volcano and oil well explosion on earth.

Batboy? I think he is fighting the ground zero mosque.

mastercynic said...

So, we're agreed that even if World Net Daily isn't completely owned by Weekly World News, they do share the same research team and sources?