"As exhausting as it is, we have to keep up the pressure that the other side will lie and vilify anything and everything that is good or positive that does not fit their crazy logic or agendas. They can not get away with their ridiculous attempt at faking journalism."
That's why I keep doing this. It isn't because I think right wingers are so amusing. Well, onward:
Katie Pavlich, Town Hall: "Weeks ago, President Obama gutted our ground forces in favor of entitlement programs. Now, his administration plans to cut the U.S. nuke arsenal by 80 percent. It is clear President Obama is more than happy to weaken America as a military force in the world."
God, that would leave us with only 500 or so deployed nuclear weapons! How would we ever survive? By the way, the thing about gutting our ground forces- that was a lie. How surprising, huh?
Katie Pavlich, Town Hall: "The integrity of our elections is at risk. POLITICO has a new report out today with some startling numbers on our voting system, showing the potential for massive voter fraud as millions of dead people are still registered to vote"
I am going to get worried about this as soon as Katie convinces me that one of them actually got out of their grave and voted. That really would bother people. Although, there is a great SciFi channel movie in there somewhere. The worst of this whole thing is, given the age distribution of voters, you just KNOW that if they did get out of their graves, they'd vote Republican.
Katie Pavlich, Town Hall: "How About $800 Million for the Arab Spring? Tucked away in the mounds of text and numbers, President Obama has allocated a cool $800 million to go towards the "Arab Spring."
Far better, of course, to give the money to Arab dictators, like Republicans have done for decades. We all know how much better that worked out. Boy, Katie has had a busy little fantasy life lately. Katie, no more anchovy pizzas before bed.
Peter Schiff, Town Hall: "Economics: A Science About which Paul Krugman Knows Very Little"
A little biography:
Peter Schiff: "Peter is a highly recommended broker by many leading financial newsletters and investment advisory services. He also served as an economic advisor to the 2008 Ron Paul presidential campaign."
Paul Krugman: Paul is an economics professor at Princeton University, and long-time economics columnist at the nation's leading newspaper. A couple of years ago, he was awarded the Nobel Prize in economics.
We report- you decide who knows very little about economics. I'm not even going to bother you with the "substance" of Peter's article, since a kindergatener could see through it in a second.
Scott Ott: "Why We Resist Obama's Power Grabs"
Because if you resisted something that actually existed, you'd get the crap beaten out of you.
Richard Fernandez, Pajamas Media: "College Education: A Right or a Privilege?"
A right. If your parents can cough up the dough. Otherwise, just be thankful that Newt isn't going to get a chance to give your janitorial job to a third grader.
Chelsea Schilling, Renew America: "Shocker! 'Christian Oscars' stun Hollywood"
If by "stun," you mean "to render unconscious," I agree- since as far as I can tell, no one in Hollywood is actually conscious of the existence of the "Christian Oscars." And what an event we missed, featuring "Dr. Ted Baehr, a famous media critic," and a couple of actors you never heard of. Better luck next year, guys. Maybe you can get Victoria Jackson to make an appearance.
World Net Daily EXCLUSIVE! "See White House contempt for WND correspondent"
That would be Les Kinsolving. The White House press secretary pointedly refused to take a question from him. What an outrage! The last question Les asked at a White House Press Conference was this one:
"Does the commander in chief approve or disapprove of bestiality in our armed forces?”
Wonder what Les wanted to ask this time?
Brent Bozell, Town Hall: "The Kennedy Has No Clothes...it's time to stop this dishonest rewrite about the Kennedy White House. It wasn't Camelot. It was a sewer. It's time for them to stop ignoring that."
Brent is the "Founder and President of the Media Research Center." They promise that, any day now, their research is going to reach the year 1964. Until then, the most important thing they have to contribute to our national discourse is a smear of a man who has been dead for half a century. Thanks for that earnest effort, Brent. Maybe you can get back to us when you discover that Lyndon Johnson really didn't like barbecue.
World Net Daily: "Were you once a fish? Science says 'yes'! "
I don't think science says that, but may I point out that someone at World Net Daily was once an ass? I know this because they're still there.
Ann Coulter, Town Hall: "Liberals huffily ask why it's so important to the Catholic Church not to pay for insurance plans that cover birth control, but the better question is: Why is it so important to liberals to force them to? The answer is: They want the government giving official sanction to birth control and, later, abortion."
Ann, I hate to break it to you, but the government gave "official sanction" to abortion in 1973. Remember now? So, too late, girl. Get on with your life already. Maybe it's not too late for a career as a beautician.
Larry Elder, Town Hall: "Whitney Houston Critics Called Her 'Too White' -- Black Republicans Can Relate"
What, are they all out of control crack addicts too? Well, that would explain a lot, I must admit.
Greg Hengar: "Santorum "Sounds More Like Stalin"
That is so unfair. Stalin might have done a lot of bad things, but no one ever accused him of being a sex-obsessed religious lunatic.
Paul Kengor, American Thinker: "A fascinating theory has been advanced by Dick Morris..."
Oh fuck, that's far enough in that article.
Jim Hoft, Gateway Pundit: "RIck Santorum Warns of Terror Strike on North Dakota"
No reader of Wingnut Wrapup will be surprised that Rick apparently was informed of this shocking threat via a direct communication from God, since he had not one shred of evidence to reveal supporting this conclusion; however, apparently the Ayatollahs there over in Iran have picked North Dakota out for special attention. Be afraid, O North Dakotans, be very afraid. Someone is getting ready to set off an underwear bomb in a corn crib.
Laurie Roth, Renew America: "New coming holocaust -- Christians and conservatives...The stage has been set for our demise. 72 FEMA camps have been activated. The pattern established by Hitler is simply being copied by Obama and his thugs. Remember, Obama is the teleprompter King."
Hitler- famed far and wide for his use of the teleprompter. Oh yes, Laurie, I see what you mean! The comparison is so obvious when you point it out! Laurie continues:
"Watch for contrived and invented threats to attack parts of America"
Oh my God, she's right! Why, Obama is already threatening to attack North Dakota, which is part of America! Oh wait- sorry, that was your guy Rick Santorum, just above. Well, same thing.
"Watch out for bold attacks aimed at national Tea Party groups and leaders. Watch out for pastors to be arrested for preaching from the Holy Bible ...buy more guns, Bibles, and ammo NOW."
Nothing better to defend the Holy Bible than more guns. It's always worked great in the past.
And while we're on the subject of the Holy Bible (Green Eagle is always careful, let me remind you, never to refer to that evil book, the Unholy Bible, written thousands of years ago by Saul Alinsky) let's go out here talking antichrist:
Grace Harley, American Thinker: "Going by the project code-name "Narwhal", millions of pieces of information about US voters have been collected since 2008 and are being used as tools of manipulation in 2012. Now the sitting president of this country knows exactly where you politically stand, and just how to control your choices.
Grace, Grace, that's called "campaigning." It's actually happened before in Presidential elections. Really. But of course, this time it's different:
"A twisted protrusion from the left has been injected into the democratic process, again."
Huh? I Mean really, huh? Maybe Grace can clear this up:
"Those who are already feeling that America is approaching her "End Times" will see no end of comparisons here between a "narwhal" and the predicted "world religious-political leader" yet to be fully revealed. Perhaps even more concerning is the fact that the Obama campaign wears this code-name as a badge of honor. It is a mockery against those who hold to a biblical eschatalogy of an anti-Messiah.
Do they not realize (or simply do not care) that the claim of a black/white, death-like body with no real teeth that comes from the North, grows a horn from the LEFT side of his head and takes over like a huge beast is a name chosen to represent their nation's president? It is very revealing of their true perspective."
Oh, okay, then. Man, this is going to be one weird election.