Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Wingnut Wrapup

Man, I'm getting so sick of this crap- if the Republicans devoted as much energy to solving this nation's problems as they do to finding new ways to recycle their decades-old lies, we'd be in such good shape.

Doug Giles, Town Hall:  "Who Would Jesus Tax?"

Another brilliant bon mot from the darling of conservative intellectuals these days.  Let me explain this to you, Doug:  Jesus wouldn't tax anyone because he was not a government, but he did have something to say, didn't he, about the right of governments to tax people.  Remember that "Render unto Caesar" thing?  Probably just a slip of the tongue on Jesus' part.

Here are some of the things that this unrepentant ass thinks would happen if government was run on the principles of Jesus:

"• We’d enforce a tougher immigration policy;
• Our military would be stronger;
• We’d have a balanced budget;
• We’d see a decrease in national debt and an end to prodigal spending"

All things that Jesus talked so much about.

David Sterman, Town Hall:  "Wall Street Experts are Getting Nervous about this Rising Market"

See, even though, under Obama's leadership, the market has recovered virtually all of the thousands of points shaved off the Dow by Bush's policies, it's still only a sign that Obama can't do anything right with the economy. 

Jim Hoft, Gateway Pundit:  "Outrageous… Harry Reid Says Republicans Want to Put “Arsenic and Mercury” in the Water"

Outrageous, but true, Jim.  You forgot to mention that part.

Robert J. Mack, American Thinker:  "I'll pay my fair share of taxes when Obama and the Democrats stop spending more money than they bring in."

Listen, Robert, if you'd pay your fair share of taxes, the Democrats wouldn't be spending more than they bring in.

Debra J. Saunders, Town Hall:  "CLASS Act Is Dead, but Obama Won't Repeal It"

Debra, the President doesn't repeal things.  That's Congress' job.  When you get a little older and take eighth grade civics, you will learn all about this.

Christopher Badeaux, Red State:  "Excommunicate the Bishops."

At last!  A conservative that wants to see some consequences for them having collaborated in the routine commission of one of the most disgusting crimes know to man.  Thank you, Christopher, for speaking out!

....Oops, the reason Christopher wants to see the Bishops kicked is that they didn't throw a big enough tantrum when Obama wanted Catholic hospitals to provide birth control services.  The child rape thing seems to be okay with Christopher.  Silly me for ever thinking that a right winger would be on the decent side of any issue.

Bob Owens:  "Leftists wants women to get raped AND die of cancer "

A sterling example of conservative political analysis.

Mike Rosen, Denver Post:  "Buffett's tax fraud...His assertion is that he and the super rich pay a lower tax rate than their "secretaries and receptionists." The key word here is "rate."

Yes, those vicious Liberals have come up with a new form of dishonesty- lying by telling the truth!  How dare they!

Michael Ledeen, PJ Media:  "The Shape of the War to Come–The View from Beyond...I had gotten my freshly-rehabbed Ouija board working again, and had reached the spirit of my old friend James Jesus Angleton, formerly head of CIA’s counterintelligence team (and longtime liaison with Israeli intelligence via his buddy Teddy Kollek, Ben Gurion’s private secretary and then mayor of Jerusalem). I couldn’t think of anyone better to ask about all the war talk involving Israel, the United States, and Iran. "

Naturally, Mr. Ledeen couldn't think of anyone better to ask than a paranoid schizophrenic who is mainly know for a lunatic campaign of redbaiting persecution against honest CIA agents which almost destroyed the agency.  Which just reinforces a fundamental principle here at Green Eagle:  Never trust a person named Jesus unless he's a baseball player.

Andrew Klavan, Pajamas Media:  "Like Your Freedom? Thank a Church."

WARNING!  DO NOT read this article.  This is a task for professionals like Green Eagle.  The very idea that our freedoms came from the Christian religion is enough in and of itself to cause many a reader to sink into almost catatonic lethargy.  Actually reading the article could very well beam you into an alternate reality where Newt Gingrich is President, and Mitt Romney is the new Pope.  YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

Victor Davis Hanson, PJ Media:  "How did Barack Obama & Co. conjure up so many demons?"

Well, he is Satan, right?  So it really shouldn't have been that hard for him to conjure up a few demons.

Eric Cantor, PJ Media:  " Not Washington’s Role to ‘Jack Up the Economy’

No, of course not, Eric.  It's government's role to help sell more guns and give more money to the rich.

David French, National Review Online:  "We’re All Catholics Now"

Hey, does that mean we can all screw little boys?

Chris Chocola, Red State:  "Our friends at Hertiage Action have a great piece out today that looks at CBO data and says that if House Republicans vote for the Highway Bill, they are basically guaranteeing a $54 billion bailout of the Highway Trust fund over the next five years....Why should taxpayers be on the hook for another unfunded government boondoggle?"

Now, of course, for the government to spend money on highways is a "bailout," a "boondoggle." Even that is apparently no longer a legitimate function of government.  Like I say, all conservatism amounts to in this country is cut my taxes.  They don't care how fast the country goes to hell, as long as they don't have to pay to keep it running.

Barry Rubin, PJ Media:  "Gulf Arab Leaders: Obama Admin. Is Biggest Threat to our Security"

What "Gulf Arab Leaders" would that be?  Well, the only "leader" Barry could find was a police chief in Dubai.  Maybe it's Joe Arpaio's brother in law.  By the way, here's part of this guy's complaint:

"The United States has granted Iran many of its dreams in the region, including the toppling of Saddam [Hussein], active presence of Iran in Iraq and the exporting of the revolution into the Arab world"

Toppling Saddam and allowing Iran into Iraq.  And that's Obama's fault?  God, these guys are pathetic.

Dennis Prager, Town Hall:  "Chris Christie on Israel -- and What It Means to Be a Leader"

Apparently, it means being a loudmouth without having one thing to do with the subject.

Rand Simberg, Pajamas Media:  "Our Benevolent Marxist Masters...Obama's budget obfuscates the difference between "need" and "desire."

Turns out poor people only "desire" food, medical care and jobs.  They don't really need them.

Steve McCann, Pajamas Media:  "How many times will the American people have to be hit over the head before they understand that Barack Obama is the most corrupt, dictatorial, and ideologically driven president in American history?"

Oh, I don't know...three, maybe four times?  Maybe only once if you hit them really hard.  How many times did it take you, Steve?

Cindy Simpson, Pajamas Media:  "Having followed the Obama "natural born" citizenship quandary since its inception, I had always viewed the controversy over Obama's birthplace and other records as a diversion from the real issue: Obama's dual citizenship precluded his constitutional eligibility."

Stupid people! they've been obsessed with an infantile, racist delusion for three years now, when they actually should have been obsessed with a totally different infantile, racist delusion.   Cindy continues:

"Following the Georgia eligibility challenges, the mainstream media had been forced to note another symptom of what they pejoratively refer to as "birtherism," since two of the three challenges centered not on Obama's birthplace, but on constitutional law and Supreme Court precedent."

Of course, Cindy neglects to mention that the judge in the "Georgial eligibility challenges" rejected them in a decision dripping with contempt.  Oh well, maybe in another three or four years, the birthers will find another low-level judge who they can temporarily delude into believing that they are serious people, rather than a bunch of cracker assholes.

Man, it's enough to make you move to Nigeria.

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