Thursday, July 7, 2016

Wingnut Wrapup

As I envisioned several days ago, as the need to lie for their candidate grows more intense, we are going to see a real flowering of nonsense from the right.  And it sure is coming.  I've left out a lot of the right wing coverage of the Republican show trial of their former (two days ago) BFF, James Comey, most of which has as much relation to what I've read in the reality based media as it does to trials carried out during the reign of Robespierre.  To listen to them, you'd think Comey was a superspy in a sleeper cell left over from the Soviet Union.Well, let's dive in:

Connor Hoffman, Town Hall:  "GOP Leaders Deciding If They Should Punish Democrats For Gun Sit-in"

Please, please, do it, guys.  Please.  I've read that they are going to charge the Dems for damaging the furniture.  That would be fun to watch, and an excellent use of Congress' time.

Christine Rousselle, Town Hall:  "AP Doesn't Understand Catholic Teaching"

What teaching, showing teenage boys how to give blow jobs to older men?  Sorry, at this point I do not give a damn about Catholic teaching, and I doubt very many other people do, either.

Debra Heine, PJ Media:  "Stunning: Obama and Comey Clinton Email Comments Sound Eerily Similar"

That's what happens when they both tell the truth- a concept Republicans don't understand.

Jim Hoft, Gateway Pundit:  "Uh-Uh-Uh… Obama Turns Into Stuttering Mess Again While Talking About Trump in North Carolina "

That's Obama all over- a stuttering mess.

Jim Hoft, Gateway Pundit:  "STUNNING=> Obama Brings Presidential Seal to His Rally With Hillary Clinton"

Because he isn't really the President, I guess.  How dare he speak from a podium with the Presidential seal?  That's for real Presidents, like George W. Bush.  And by the way, apparently he smuggled the seal into the appearance himself, if Jim's words are accurate.

And a real triumph of analysis from Jim, proving why he's called the Stupidest Man on the Internet:

Jim Hoft, Gateway Pundit:  "The Truth: Obama’s Net Gain in Jobs Is a Negative 14 Million"

Boy, that's a real claim.  It sure makes Obama look bad. Here's more on the subject from Jim:

"President Obama claimed on Tuesday during his campaign rally with Hillary Clinton that the US economy is in great shape and that he created 14 million jobs. As usual, with Obama, know that the opposite is probably closer to the truth."

Ah.  "the opposite is probably closer to the truth."  Probably.  According to whom?  The Jim Hoft Economic Statistics Institute, I guess.  And consider this:

"When considering the number of new entrants into the country since he took office of more than 20 million, then Obama actually lost 14 million jobs."

So those 14 million new jobs don't count a bit.  But wait, even if this utter rubbish were true, it seems to me that 14 million minus 20 million still only equals negative six million, not negative 14 million.  The moron (and I mean that literally) can't even subtract two double digit numbers.  Now do you see why he's earned his nickname?

Bryan Fischer, Renew America:  "July 4 is a religious holiday"

Fuck off, Bryan.

A. J. Castellito, Renew America:  "The great debate on the doctrine of the lesser magistrate"

Boy, doesn't that sound like a good read?  No?  Well, you would be right.  It bored me to tears in about three sentences.  So, I'm afraid I can't even tell you what a lesser magistrate is.  I doubt that any of us will be worse off for that.

Marsha West, Renew America:  "James Dobson reveals who he believes led Donald Trump to Christ"

Well, whoever it was, I don't think they explained the details of the religion to him very well.

And another scandal that is just not going to make the cut:

World Net Daily:  "Pelosi blows off traffic laws ... to shop at shoe store!"

Although, as desperate as the Republicans are these days, who knows?  They might run with it.  By the way, this story is about her secret service detail using their sirens to take her car through a red light.  The secret service made the decision, which they have a right to do, when they are tasked with protecting people.  So, a fair criticism, except for the fact that Pelosi didn't do it, oh yeah, and it wasn't illegal.   Two lies in ten words.  About par for the course with Republicans. And so, on we go:

Noel S. Williams, American Thinker:  "No Laughing Matter: Commit Hillary...If the eyes are the window to the soul, then maybe laughter is the periscope of our submerged subconscious.  Judging by her impulsive cackling fits, Hillary's is riddled with torment."

Send her to a mental institution for "cackling."  That's an interesting idea.

"Hillary has more to hide and is taciturn, but she does laugh openly and improperly, displaying an irritable temperament."

Perhaps the first time in human history that laughing has been cited as a sign of irritability.  And don't forget this:

"Cacklers are known to rejoice in others' misfortunes...Hillary is more temperamentally suited for institutionalization than the White House.  This is no laughing matter: commit Hillary."


Bob Weir, American Thinker:  "America: A Lifeboat with Limited Capacity"

Time to start throwing other people overboard.  And you know who goes to the sharks first.  By the way, just to be clear, not this Bob Weir, I'm happy to say:

The other Bob Weir should be garrotted for daring to use Bobby Weir's name.  Next thing you know, they will be trying to convince you that Jerry Garcia was a Bircher.

And a real reason to build the wall:

Bob Price, Breitbart:  "Brazilian national arrested in Texas for allegedly 'tickling' little boy's privates"

Be afraid. It could happen to anyone.

Matt Vespa, Town Hall:  "Chuck Todd: FBI Indicted Clinton On Her Judgment To Be President–And Trump Is Botching This Opportunity"

No one, however, to judge from this article, is indicting Trump for being a neo-Nazi bully with an out of control temper.  However,

Kurt Schlichter, Town Hall:  "You Need To Suck It Up And Vote For Trump"

Because this may be the only chance any of us ever have to live in a fascist dictatorship, Ken's fondest dream.

Victor Davis Hanson, Town Hall:  "Will California Ever Thrive Again?"

Democrats put the budget in surplus, expanded expenditures on education and other State responsibilities, and all while seeing a remarkable resurgence in the business climate.  That's what happens with a Democratic legislature and the best governor in the nation.  And the sun is still shining at the beach.  This is not "thriving," however, which by definition needs a Republican government that can produce an economic miracle like we've seen in Kansas or Wisconsin.  And it is a miracle- nothing short of divine intervention could possibly explain how States with utterly collapsed economies manage to find so much money for rich people.

Cortney O'Brien, Town Hall:  "Chaffetz Grills Comey: 'You've Set a Dangerous Precedent'

That's not "grilling."  That's using the power of the House of Representatives to hurl evidenceless smears at the director of the FBI.

Justin Holcomb, Town Hall:  "Gingrich Speaks at Trump Rally: "Politicians Talk About Changing Washington...This Guy's Gonna Kick Over the Table"

Boy, Newt wants to be picked to be Vice President.  And Newt, let me tell you something: "kicking over the table" is not what this country needs.

Ben Howe, Red State:  "SECRETS: Comey Tells Congress No Transcript of Hillary’s Interview with FBI Agents and Won’t Confirm She Didn’t Lie"

He won't confirm that she did, either, because he has no evidence that she did.  Still, this just proves Hillary is a crook.  Somehow.

Caleb Howe, Red State:  "Life Size Noah’s Ark Replica Launches Today"

Well, not exactly "launch," since it is landlocked by hundreds of miles, and isn't even a real boat, just a gigantic con job financed with State money.  So, it didn't really launch, it just sat there.
It better start raining hard, or this thing ain't doing nothing but falling over on its side.

"Launch:  set (a boat) in motion by pushing it or allowing it to roll into the water."  

Nothing about completing a new $100 million dollar way to take money away from suckers.  And when it inevitably flounders, Ken Ham will pocket whatever he can and walk away, just like the Donald Trump of creationism.  Maybe then, they can open a Trump casino there, with more taxpayer money.

Jack Dunphy, PJ Media:  "Hillary Clinton: Too Connected to Jail"

Conveniently illustrated with the following picture, which is a good example of the closest they are ever going to get to Hillary going to prison:

A more honest headline would have been "Hillary Clinton: Too Innocent to Jail," but don't hold your breath for that one.

Jim Hoft, Gateway Pundit:  "BOOM! Rep Gowdy DESTROYS FBI Director Comey in House Hearing on Email Scandal"

Because that's the job of House Republicans- to destroy the director of the FBI because its investigation didn't support their lying talking points.

Jim Hoft, Gateway Pundit:  "Ted Cruz: Donald Trump Asked Me to Speak at Convention and I Accepted "

Boy, that will be a treat.

Laurie Roth, Renew America:  "Are Hillary's lies and treachery to be rewarded?"

Yeah, as soon as they find any.

World Net Daily:  "Trump and Cruz bury the hatchet"

Hopefully, in each others' heads.

Karl Ushanka, American Thinker:  "Tuesday, FBI Director James Comey announced that no charges would be sought.  Where are the FBI agent resignations?"

They didn't find any evidence to support our smears- out with them.  Luckily, under President Trump, they will just be liquidated for this sort of treachery.

Thomas Lifson, American Thinker:  "Rasmussen poll: majority wanted Comey to recommend Hillary indictment"

Ha ha.  Rasmussen.  Those would be the guys who had Romney ahead every step of the last Presidential election, and who have Trump ahead now.  Knock yourselves out, guys.

More all too soon, I fear.


Magpie said...

"July 4 is a religious holiday"

Not here it’s not. July 4 is during Ramadan though.
I was reading earlier.... “Muslim scholars say it’s not enough to just avoid food and drinks during the day... Muslims should not engage in road rage, cursing, fighting or gossiping.”

I’m sorry, I’m not sure if I can take a month of that.

FNZ-795 said...

I had problems with my computer, but it's finally fixed.

So here's a reward for getting through this wrapup.

On this day, July 8, 1956, Duke Ellington created his "Ellington at Newport" album. Several sources go with July 7, but the Smithsonian says July 8, and it's July 8, so I'll go with Smithsonian.

Also on this day, July 8, 1996, "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls received its release. For all you music lovers out there, I refuse to link to it. Instead, I will link to Roger Ebert's review of Spice World, which is much more entertaining.

--F.N. Zimmermann

Green Eagle said...

Magpie, foolish of you to nor understand that religion is for Americans only, because America is the only country God cares about. Except for those evil brown people's religions of course- They just exist to provide ways to use up our weapons, so the government can buy more.