Let's start with a taste of Conservative "humor"
Well, it's the best they can do.
Katie Pavlich, Town Hall: "President George W. Bush: We Are Grief Stricken, Heartbroken and Forever Grateful"
The first time in eight years that I've heard a Republican use the word "President" and the name George W. Bush in the same sentence.
Leah Barkoukis, Town Hall: "House GOP Chairmen Formally Request Perjury Probe of Clinton"
Because of course he did. Talk about dog bites man.
Cortney O'Brien, Town Hall: "Hillary Releases New Ad About Trump 'Admiring' Dangerous Dictators"
And? I mean, doesn't he? Putin, Saddam, Kim Jong Un...sounds like a pack of dangerous dictators to me.
Susan Wright, Red State: "Ted Cruz Continues to Lay the Groundwork for a Future Run With a Pre-Convention Meeting"
Oh boy, I can hardly wait. But won't he be pretty old by the time President Trump's ten terms are over?
And now, time for a stupid picture:
Yeah, women are perfectly capable of competing with men. Of course, in the business world, they always lose out. I wonder why that might be.
PJ Media Staff: "Remember When Al Sharpton Said to Kill Police Officers?"
Laurie Roth, Renew America: "Black Lives protest and mass murder -- Original message lost"
Lost on you, Laurie. And people like you. The message is always lost on people like you. Maybe they need to shout it a little louder, so you hear what they are saying.
World Net Daily: "City rips secret planting of Syrian 'refugees'
And a good thing, too. Planting? No matter how much you water them, they are never going to grow.
World Net Daily: "NASA cuts live feed as 'mysterious UFO enters atmosphere'
Just in case you needed a little more to be worried about. I'm guessing the aliens are just helping Paul Ryan disappear to Mars until next week is over.
And now, for today's fashion corner:
Roger Stone, Daily Caller: "Cool When The Weather Gets Hot: The Seersucker Suit...A seersucker suit recalls the nobility and charm of the southern gentleman."
Okay then. If you want people to think you are a "southern gentleman" you know how to do it. Or you could just wave one of these:
Daily Caller "Sponsored content:" "Dinesh D’Souza Uncovers The Democratic Party’s Plan To Steal America"
The Democratic plan to steal America from the Koch brothers, who deserve to keep it because they only stole it themselves a few years ago, and so far it's working out so well for them.
Katie Pavlich, Town Hall: "New York Post: FBI Agents Tell Us Lynch and Clinton Struck a Deal on That Plane"
What FBI agents, and what do they know?
“FBI agents believe there was an inside deal put in place after the Loretta Lynch/Bill Clinton tarmac meeting,” said one source."
One, of course unnamed, source, who doesn't know this, but "believes" it. Not what the headline says, however. No need for evidence when you are a right winger. The truth is whatever you want it to be. Katy finishes her post by saying this:
"Move along, nothing to see here."
Katy tells the truth, for once.
Dan Spencer, Red State: "Here is the Latest Democrat Attempt to Ruin the American Economy"
By raising the minimum wage. That would ruin the American economy. Giving the entire country to a few dozen rich sociopaths, on the other hand, is sound fiscal policy, as can be seen from the last time we really tried it, in the 1920's.
Steve McCann, American Thinker: "Bringing Down the Left...Once we admit the truth, a tested strategy is right in front of our eyes."
I can't say I really read this article, but I'm betting that the strategy involves guns.
Awr Hawkins, Breitbart: "NRA Ad: Young, Black, Female, and Armed"
The Federalist: "Could The Terror Attack In Nice Push France Into A Civil War?"
No. But keep up the dream, Federalist guys. Where there's life, there's hope. Or in your case, where there's death there's hope.
Henry Scanlon, The Federalist: "Hillary Managed Her Emails Like Criminals I’ve Known"
And just about every other person on earth that is not an IT guy. Forgot to mention that, Henry. By the way, how many criminals do you know, and how do you happen to know them well enough that you are aware of how they handle their e-mails? Just wondering.
Cheryl Chumley, News with Views: "Gun Control? Try Prescription Pill Control First ...Seems like pill control might be the better argument"
Hate to break it to you, Cheryl, but there is already massive prescription pill control in this country. Don't believe me? Try walking up to the pharmacy counter and buying some Oxy or Vicoden over the counter. Maybe you should have a doctor's orders to buy a gun too, huh?
Ron Edwards, News with Views: "Many activists want to change America into a progressive socialist amoral cesspool"
Really? I'd like to hear the names of some progressives who are for an amoral cesspool. Of course, what Ron means by "amoral" is a country that can't be bought by the highest bidder.
Paul McGuire, News with Views: "Dallas To Cleveland - Planned Chaos? We are seeing bizarre news coverage of heavily armed shooters"
Apparently, we should be just ignoring these things, or something. It's not clear what Paul is calling for, but he seems to think it's all part of an Obama administration plot to ruin the Republican convention by having a crazy guy kill police in Texas. Don't worry, Paul, the Republicans are taking care of ruining their convention all by themselves.
Bradlee Dean, News with Views: "How many crimes do the Clintons need to be exposed for before the American people lawfully deal with themselves?"
How about starting off with one, Bradlee. When you find a real one, and not just one more massively financed Republican smear, get back to us, why don't you?
Alex Pappas, Daily Caller: "Conservatives Rejoice At Trump's Pick Of Pence"
Doesn't take much to get them excited, does it?
Larry O'Connor, Hot Air: "ESPN hypocrites celebrate Black Lives Matter at ESPYS while silencing Schilling, Lewis over their politics"
Celebrating inclusiveness while silencing hatred and racism- the bastards!
Alexandra DeSanctis, National Review Online: "The Planned Parenthood Investigation: One Year Later"
Still nothing. Time for another House committee. And no, I am not kidding.
Ron Ewart, National Review Online: "It’s Not About Assault Rifles, It’s About Defending Freedom"
Tell the truth, Ron. It's about gun company profits. And Republican legislators that are scared to death of being primaried by someone who is even a bigger right wing asshole than they are.
Betty Treauf, News with Views: " Hitler was one of the good guys"
Just spit it right out there, Betty. You're only one step ahead of the rest of the Repubicans at this point.
Caroline May, Breitbart: "Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas Left Nice Hours Before Attack"
Just hours before...sounds a little suspicious to me. After all, he is a black man, just like the Dallas killer. I think we need seven or eight House committees to investigate this, what do you think?
Trent Baker, Breitbart: "COMMENTATOR RIPS LENA DUNHAM: ‘I HATE THIS B*TCH'
Well, that is certainly news worth reporting. I'm so glad I let you know about that.
Liam Deacon, Breitbart: "Saudi Funded Mosque Opened in Nice Two Weeks Before Attack...Last night, at least 84 people died in the city"
The same week that a new Starbucks opened in Sunset Hills, Missouri. Coincidence? I don't think so. If I were from Sunset Hills, I'd look for trucks before crossing the street. Actually, that's probably a good idea for everyone, now that I think of it.
Ben Kew, Breitbart: "Study: Fat People More Likely to Be Stupid"
Science! At last they are for it! This "study," by the way, involved 32 people. A real representative sample. The study was run by "Lead researcher Chase Figley, an assistant professor in the department of radiology at the University of Manitoba." I see. a real expert on obesity. Stupidity, I'll give you that one- I suspect Chase really is qualified to speak about stupidity.
Eileen F. Toplansky, American Thinker: "We Need to Hate"
Well, maybe you do, Eileen.
Laurie Roth, Renew America: "Ginsburg just proved our worst fears about top level justice in America"
No, Laurie, our worst fears would be if corrupt Justices forced the worst President in history on the country, or if they gave rich people the legal right to buy the government. Get what I'm saying here? No, I bet you don't.
Jim Hoft, Gateway Pundit: "Good News! 1 in 4 US Muslim Youths Approve of Suicide Bombings"
Well, apparently about 1 in 2 Christian voters believe in torture and mass murder as an answer to the problems in the Middle East. So, I'd say 1 in 4 actually is pretty good news. Thanks for passing that along, Jim.
Jim Hoft, Gateway Pundit: "NEWT GOES OFF AFTER FRANCE MASSACRE: Any Muslim Who Wants Sharia Should Be Deported!"
Great, as long as we kick out any Christian who wants the laws to be based on the Bible. Fair deal? No? Why, I'm so surprised.
Joe Cunningham, Red State: "Jeb Bush Slams Donald Trump, Praises Mike Pence"
Ha ha. Jeb praises Mike Pence. A milestone in the history of boredom.
And let's just go out on this important news:
Sophie Carson, Town Hall: "Watch: Black Celebrities Unite For Video, Oversimplify Everything"
It's Beyonce's responsibility to explain the complexities of modern political life to us. On the other hand, "Deport all Muslims" is a perfectly rational, fully thought out, response to things.
Oh well, more all too soon.