Monday, October 14, 2013

Wingnut Wrapup

Delusion of the month!

Ann Coulter, Town Hall:  "In the current fight over the government shutdown, Republicans are simply representing the views of the American people. "

Oh, excuse me...did I say delusion?  I meant to say lie.

Jackie Gingrich Cushman, Town Hall:  "The current budget impasse might have made you a bit blue. Ups and downs are normal in life, but when the potential of a debt default is the news, it's easy to forget the ups.

In "Learned Optimism, How to Change Your Mind and Your Life," Martin Seligman provides a map to a more optimistic outlook.  As a graduate student in experimental psychology at the University of Pennsylvania, Seligman studied dogs ..."

"A more optimistic outlook"- i.e. lying to yourself.  Go for it, Jackie.  It's the only optimism you're going to get.

John Ransom, Town Hall:  "Not all conservatives are uber-rich, mansion-living, jet-setters like Al Gore and John Kerry."

No, of course not.  Most of them are just deluded suckers who have been so blinded by your lies that they don't even notice you destroying their lives.

Courtney O'Brien, Town Hall:  "Uncovered: New Bill Could Expose Obamacare's Hidden Abortion Surcharge"

Which is going to be a really good trick, since Obamacare's abortion surcharge is so hidden that it doesn't exist.

Matt Towery, Town Hall:  "What has happened to our country?  We have a president who seems unwilling to declare that we are the greatest nation on earth."

And we are, too.  Except in life expectancy, distribution of wealth, availability of health care, imprisonment rates, childhood poverty, upward mobility, social welfare programs and about a hundred other things.  Other than that, we are THE GREATEST NATION ON EARTH, and if you don't accept that, we'll destroy the economy.  Then we'll be EVEN GREATER!!!!

Rich Galen, Town Hall:  "Elections Have Consequences"

Just not ones that Democrats win.

Jack Kerwick, Town Hall:  "The GOP is Winning...The Republicans are winning the fight over the government shut down. "

If by "winning," you mean "getting the crap kicked out of you."
 Sonny Liston winning his fight against Muhammad Ali, Republican style

Jack notes that Republican poll numbers are in the worst dive since the last Kamikaze flights of World War II, but thinks that is just great, because Obama's polling has gone down two points.  Self immolation is just wonderful if you can inflict any kind of minor damage on the Democrats.  Well, go for it guys.  Here's another wonderful bit of news for Republicans that Jack gleaned from current polls:

"Ted Cruz—you know, the Texas Senator whose 21-plus hour charge to defund Obamacare was supposed to have done permanent damage to the Republican brand—scarcely even registers with those polled: most Americans, supposedly, aren’t aware of who he is. "

How to tell when your party is in real trouble: Your major leader in the current political situation is unknown to most voters, and that's the good news.

Erick Erickson, Red State:  "It seems the GOP has taken a hint and will continue the fight on Obamacare by punting the debt ceiling discussion six weeks to Thanksgiving. I think this is wise"

Republicans are going to continue the fight by giving up.  Conservative reasoning at its finest, yes sir.

Daniel Horowitz, Red State:  "Now It’s Time for Full Throttle Defund of Obamacare"

Now's the time?  What else have you jackasses been doing for the last three years?  Or have you forgotten your 42 Congressional votes demanding that the President abandon established law?

Betsey McCaughey, Human Events:  "Obama’s dangerous claim to executive power...His views on presidential power ought to alarm all Americans.  “I will not pay ransom,” said Obama, for a stopgap-spending bill to open the government."

I can't even think of a clever remark for this one.  You all know what there is about this President that means for the first time in history he has no "presidential power."

And now, possibly the least valuable column ever written:

PJ Media:  "What Books Does Jonah Goldberg Recommend for 2013?"

Given Jonah's oft displayed mental capacity, I'm stunned that Green Eggs and Ham and My Pet Goat didn't make the list.  On the other hand, I guess the vocabulary in Green Eggs and Ham might be a bit advanced for Jonah.  Better stick with Pat the Bunny, dude.

Roger Simon, PJ Media:  "What if They Shut Down the Entire Government?"

Why it would be just fine!  Well, Roger doesn't quite want to shut the entire government, just the parts that don't help him personally- useless things like schools and regulations on companies, etc.  That would be just great!

Anna Githens, Renew America:  "Christopher Columbus: genocidal tyrant or God's faithful servant?"

Probably somewhere in between, don't you think, Anna?

And now, the new Benghazi!

Lee DeCovnick, American Thinker:  "We, the people, demand that our elected representatives compel the White House  to release the names of those who came up with the idea to withhold the military death benefit, and those in the White House who authorized this heinous act. In military matters the buck stops in the Oval Office. Until Jay Carney tells us who these folks are, and who in the White House authorized that choice, the American people shall irrevocably hold our Commander in Chief, B.H. Obama, personally responsible for this horror."

Oh God, get ready for this.  Once Darryl Issa gets up to speed on this one, there will be no end to it.

Rick Moran, American Thinker:  "Republicans backing away from leveraging Obamacare "

Leveraging.  I've never heard that euphemism for "destroying" before.  Well, I guess that's the Republican term for it, now that their efforts are turning into a gigantic failure.

Katie Pavlich, Town Hall:  "...according to Ace of Spades' Gabriel Minor, National Park Service rangers were buzzing around in a helicopter yesterday during the veterans' protest of barricaded memorials on the mall.   Respect please . . . While an NPS police helicopter buzzes us. Bastards."

Bastards!  Keeping an eye on people who want to overthrow the government!  How dare they!

Allen West:  "Obama is a Spoiled Brat"

Well, at least he's not a war criminal who was kicked out of the U.S. military for torturing prisoners.

Before It's News:  " Jonathan kleck decrypts the new $100 bill and the new $10 bill. Do these bills show both a New York City nuclear attack AND a tidal wave as claimed by Jonathan?  According to Jonathan, the two bills together tell the story of a nuclear event taking place on the East Coast promulgated by the US Government– which Jonathan feels is spiritually inspired by Satan and his fallen angels."

Right.  Take it for what it's worth.  They're going to blow up the east coast, so they put pictures of it on our money.  That makes sense.

Walter Hudson, PJ Media:  "Why Christians, Jews, and Everyone Else Better Take an Interest in Heaven and Hell"

Because...Oh, wait a minute.  Why am I wasting time on this nonsense?

Tommy Thompson, Western Center for Journalism:  "The Alabama Supreme Court May Collapse Obama’s House Of Cards...Now we have a new (birth certificate) case before the Alabama Supreme Court. This case is McInnish/Goode v. Beth Chapman (SOS). It is being handled by famous attorney Larry Klayman."
The "famous attorney" Larry Klayman!  Now, where have we heard his name recently?  Oh yeah, he's the guy who is going to overthrow the U.S. government next month!  If I were his clients, I wouldn't spend much money on Larry- by the time this case comes to court, the judiciary won't exist any more.

Silvio Canto, American Thinker:  "There is a better chance of Candy Crowley going to FOX than Senator Paul going Democrat"

You've got that right, Silvio.  We wouldn't touch that lunatic with a stick.  You made him- you're stuck with him.  And that goes double for Louie Gohmert and Ted Cruz.

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