Monday, January 6, 2014

Wingnut Wrapup

WINGNUT WRAPUP 2014

Aah, a new year.  Perhaps this is the year that Republicans decide to act sane.

...Nah.  Let's get on with it, and set the tone right from the beginning:

Walter Williams, Town Hall:  "Here's a question that I've asked in the past that needs to be revisited. Unless one wishes to obfuscate, it has a simple yes or no answer. If one group of people prefers strong government control and management of people's lives while another group prefers liberty and desires to be left alone, should they be required to enter into conflict with one another and risk bloodshed and loss of life in order to impose their preferences on the other group? Yes or no. My answer is no; they should be able to peaceably part company and go their separate ways."

Secession!  All the Koch Brothers and Rove money in the world couldn't buy the government, they couldn't persuade more than a couple of hundred jackasses to show up for their various rebellions in Washington, they weren't able to destroy the economy to show how angry they were (their rich buddies already did that, just out of sheer greed,) so this is all that is left for these treasonous, anti-American bastards.

Well, you know where Green Eagle stands on this.  We in the liberal States are damned tired of paying taxes to keep your failed Republican States from drowning.  So, go already.  I for one am really interested in seeing whether a country founded on hatred and avarice will do any better than examples of that sort of thing from the past.  And Godwin be damned, you know who I'm talking about.

And if that doesn't pan out, well, of course, there is always this:

Bob Barr, Town Hall:  "Our Founding Fathers Were Not Afraid Of The “I” Word And We Ought Not To Be Either"

And what "I" word would that be, Bob?  Oh, impeachment.  I thought maybe you meant idiocy.

And why would Republicans have to propose such extreme solutions?

Terry Jeffrey, Town Hall:  "Free Exercise of Virtue Prohibited as of Today in USA...As of today -- Jan. 1, 2014 -- a Democratic administration led by President Barack Obama will...prohibit Americans from freely exercising not just Christianity, but virtue itself in the United States of America."

Now, that's an evil administration.  Think about this the next time you are tempted to be nice to someone.    It's illegal now.

And, failing all of that, the wingnuts can always place their hope in this:

Bob Unruh. World Net Daily:  "WHITE HOUSE NIGHTMARE: ELIGIBILITY CASE STILL ALIVE...Judges still haven't decided challenge to Obama's tenure"

Yes, that's right, judges still haven't decided to challenge Obama's tenure!  Despite an endless string of lawsuits, from Orly Taitz, Jerome Corsi, Larry Klayman, and whatever teabagger jackass you can find, every single one of which has been laughed out of court, judges still "haven't decided" to rule against Obama.  So the right wingers will file tons more groundless lawsuits.  If that is the White House nightmare, Obama can sleep pretty easily.

And just in case you think that Republicans can't lower our national discourse any more in the first week of the new year, get ready for it:

Ann Coulter, Town Hall:  "The Anus Monologues"

That's the title of her New Years piece.  Really.  I didn't make it up.

Town Hall:  "'Duck Dynasty' couple to guest on Fox News special"

Oh boy, I can hardly wait.

Roger Simon, PJ Media:  "To put it bluntly: nobody knows nothin’ about the president of the United States, aka the leader of the free world."

Well, Roger, people like you might know nothin' about Obama.  But then, people like you know nothin' about anything.

Bridget Johnson, PJ Media:  "‘We Can’t Turn Dangerous Terrorists Loose on Blind Faith’: Obama’s Guantanamo Liquidation"

You had twelve years to charge them and convict them of something, but you don't care.  You'll keep them in prison forever because you're scared to death one of them will turn up under your bed.  Well, I've got news for you, Bridget:  That's not the way we're supposed to do things in the United States.

And a little more about Benghazi, just in case you thought that the unvarnished truth could ever change right wingers' minds:

Andrew Klavan, PJ Media:  "Either the incompetent Mrs. Clinton engaged in a shameful cover-up of the truth or she shamefully sold out our values for the values of murderous scum."

I guess the only consolation we can take is this:  The Republicans counted on the fact that every time they told their lies about Benghazi (or anything else) they persuaded a few more suckers to fall for them.  At this point, every time they mention Benghazi, all they do is convince a few more people that they are a bunch of total jackasses.

Jim Hoft, Gateway Pundit:  "BLOODY HANDS: NY Times Had Reporter on Ground While Terrorists Slaughtered US Ambassador"

So because the Times had a reporter there, they are part of Al Qaida too.  Interesting perspective.  After all, you don't need to be there to come up with more lies.  It works every time for the wingnuts.

Dan Popp, Renew America:  "What did Jesus say about homosexuality?"

Nothing, Dan.  But Dan begs to differ.  After about 1500 weasel words, he concludes:

"The Son of God did say something about homosexual behavior. Quite a bit, actually.  He said it directly, by His own mouth; and indirectly, through others.  He spoke about it generally, under the umbrella of all sins; and he talked about it very specifically, describing the activity. It just isn't honest to say that Christ was silent on this subject."

Why bother with the truth when a lie works better?  Jesus never said a thing about homosexuality, no matter how many blasphemies Dan tells about the subject.  He would have, if he was Dan, but unfortunately he was only God, so he had to say it in such a confusing fashion that it took two thousand years for someone to figure out what he really meant.

Gina Miller, Renew America:  "As I have repeated ad nauseam in this column, America has been taken over by communists."

Actually, Gina, you reached the "nauseam" threshold the first time you said it.   Gina seems particularly furious about right wing Chief Justice Roberts today:

"U.S. Supreme Court Chief Justice John "Quisling" Roberts' twisted ruling (which was also illegal, because he changed the already-illegal law) does not make this law legitimate, no matter how many leftists declare otherwise."

The Supreme Court's decision is illegal, because the Court of Gina has overturned it.  And by the way, Gina, making a judicial decision you don't like is not quite like betraying your country to the Nazis.

Larry Elder, Town Hall:  "Michael Steele, then-chair of the Republican National Committee, criticized Obama's stimulus plan as "a wish list from a lot of people who have been on the sidelines for years ... to get a little bling, bling." Steele, who wanted to expand the GOP's appeal to young voters, used the expression to, in Steele's words, "take the party to the streets," while making the GOP more "relevant" to "urban-suburban hip-hop settings."

"Bling bling."  That's just what the Republicans need to make young people like them, huh, Larry?  Well, let me tell you something:  Green Eagle is not young, but he has a couple of 20 something kids, and they have a lot of friends, and every one of them knows damned well why they are in the miserable state they are, unlike the stupid geezers that are the Republicans' constituency.  Young people don't give a damn about "bling."  They do care about who cheated them out of their future, and they know perfectly well who it was.  So, go ahead, give your bling a try and see how it works.

Rick Moran, PJ Media:  "I Just Shoveled a Foot of Global Warming Off My Driveway"

Well, Rick, at least you didn't have to shovel a foot of "global warming doesn't exist" off your driveway.  Unless you've let a bunch of cows live there for a long time.

Bryan Fischer:  "I would suggest to you that if a politician, if somebody wants to exercise political power and he is an evolutionist, he is disqualified from holding political office in the United States of America."

In the right wing world, stupidity and ignorance are necessary qualifications for holding political office.  Otherwise you might think for yourself, and decide not to do what the Koch brothers told you to do.

Michael Walsh, PJ Media:  "The Bleeding Obvious-More guns, less crime."

One man's "bleeding obvious" is another man's "are you fucking insane, or just paid to say things like that?"

And let's just finish with the Conspiracy Theory of the Month, from a comment at World Net Daily:

"Hermann Goring actually escaped from his cell in Nuremberg with the assistance of known Nazi sympathizer U.S. Ambassador Joseph P. Kennedy, was smuggled into the United States by the Kennedy family who kept him hidden in the basement of the Chicago Mercantile Mart from 1945 to 1948. 
In 1948, the Ambassador's youngest son, Edward M. Kennedy, drank himself to death...and Goring seamlessly took the place of the youngest Kennedy brother and eventually became the senior Senator from Massachusetts. 
From that perch, he spent the next 47 years destroying the United States."

Teddy Kennedy was actually Hermann Goering, and nobody noticed for 47 years! Hey, it's so obvious when you think about it:

I think I'll just stop there.  See you soon.

5 comments:

Magpie said...

I’m impressed…

Had Goring lived to 1948 he would have been 55 years old, when he passed himself off as Edward Kennedy, who was only 16 at the time.

You wouldn’t think he could have taken such good care of himself while simultaneously being so overweight, would you?

Paul Avery said...

"What did Jesus say about homosexuality?"
What did this peripatetic apocalyptic Jew of the 1st century actually say about anything? Many serious Bible scholars and historians would love to know. You know, just for the heck of it.

Green Eagle said...

And that would have made Goering/Kennedy 116 when he died, a clear proof of the physical superiority of the ubermenschen.

And Paul, of course you are right. I guess all I meant is what the Bible says he had to say. I suspect that, in his spare time, he mainly talked about sports.

Cirze said...

When you don't actually have the national sentiment or the votes for impeachment . . . you gotta go with the stories (fiction!).

They are all just a bunch of failed fiction writers.

Science fiction.

Love ya,

C

Jono said...

Awesome rant. I really wish the general population could be made aware of the truth, but short attention spans rule I'm afraid.