Friday, February 15, 2013

Wingnut Wrapup

We read them so you don't have to...

Town Hall:  "Democratic Ohio Poll Watcher: Yeah, I Voted For Obama Twice"

One!  They've found one!  Now all they have to do is find four million nine hundred ninety nine thousand nine hundred and ninety nine more around the country, and the election will be even.  Given that it took three months to find this one, my calculations show that they will be ready to overturn the 2012 Presidential election right around the year 1,252,000.  Hold on to your hats, it's going to be a rough ride!

Michelle Malkin, Town Hall:  "The Blame Righty Mob Falls Silent"

Not at Green Eagle it hasn't.

Craige McMillan, World Net Daily:  "I found America in the Bible!"

Sure you did, Craige.  Need the dosage of your meds adjusted again?  Here's the passage from the Bible that is about America:

"21 So the king sent Jehudi to fetch the roll: and he took it out of Elishama the scribe’s chamber. And Jehudi read it in the ears of the king, and in the ears of all the princes which stood beside the king.

22 Now the king sat in the winterhouse in the ninth month: and there was a fire on the hearth burning before him.

23 And it came to pass, that when Jehudi had read three or four leaves, he (the king) cut it with the penknife, and cast it into the fire that was on the hearth, until all the roll was consumed in the fire that was on the hearth."

If you can come up with one shred of a reason to believe that this is not a specimen of extreme serotonin imbalance, please let me know and I will apologize.  "Nancy Pelosi: Push for Gun Control While We Have the Chance"

The outrage!  The only fair thing for Democrats to do is to push for legislation when they don't have a chance.  Then, Republicans and corporations get their way, which is what the United States is all about.  Haven't you figured that out yet, Nancy? 

Jillian Kay Melchior, National Review Online:  "Dick Morris the Moderate"

Ha ha ha ha ha...Dick Morris the Moderate...ha ha ha.  Oh, my sides hurt from laughing.

And here's a typical Conservative response to the latest huge storm on the Atlantic coast:

John Ransom, Town Hall:  "In a world in which it takes 9-12 years for scientists to develop small molecule drugs for commercial use, it’s a relief to know that it only takes 9-12 minutes to tie the LARGEST STORM IN HISTORY into something as complex as our global climate.

Or two days to read, analyze and pass the most complex healthcare bill ever.

Or to ruin the 250 year Republic in just 9-12 years in slavish devotion to bad science, bad economics and a broken and brokered political system."

Bad science, bad economics and a broken political system...Of course, everything else this jackass has to say is complete bullshit, but I want to focus once again on the ongoing Republican effort to blot out exactly what they gave the country during the Bush administration, by the simple expedient of just labeling everything the Democrats do or believe in as exactly analogous to Republican mismanagement.  If they just go on screaming every other minute that Obama is the worst President in history, that global warming is some sort of criminal conspiracy, that it is Democrats that somehow destroyed the ability of the government to do anything (anything, that is, that doesn't help the rich) people will forget that it is their former President and their lunatic ideology that left us in the mess we are in today.  Well, sad to say, it just might work.

Ken Blackwell, Town Hall:  "President Obama’s senior thesis at Columbia University has been embargoed... We may have to wait for his presidential library to open to find out."

Who cares, Ken?  I mean really, who cares?  And by the way, do you think we have forgotten that you are an anti-American, seditious, corrupt criminal who did everything you could to steal a Presidential election?  Because we haven't.

Sher Zieve, Renew America:  "Oppose Obama...prepare to die!"

Well, given that the average Fox News listener is over 65, probably not bad advice.

Jason Hart, Red State:  "Gov. Kasich Enlists Socialized Medicine Lobbyists to Help Implement Obamacare"

Well, who do you expect him to enlist, the Imperial Serbian Navy?

Ron Radosh, PJ Media:  "FX Debuts TV Show About Communist Couple Pretending to Be All-American Family...No, it's not the dramatization of Barack and Michelle's life story but good guess."


Jim Hoft, Gateway Pundit:  "Saint Pope Celestine V is entombed in L’Aquila. After an earthquake there, Pope Benedict XVI visited Celestine’s shrine and left the woolen pallium he wore during his papal inauguration in April 2005 on his glass casket as a gift."

And I am sure the dead guy appreciated the present.  Anyway, thanks for the history lesson, Jim.  Now back to more of your usual junk:

Jim Hoft, Gateway Pundit:  "Egypt’s Upper House Says Female Protesters Are Responsible For Their Own Sexual Abuse"

Another way that Muslim religious assholes are just like Christian religious assholes.

Now, a classic example of Republicans trying to dodge criticism for their evil behavior by inventing some absurd pretext for accusing Democrats of the same thing:

Jamie Weinstein, Daily Caller:  "MSNBC ‘essentially’ ran ‘a voter suppression campaign’ against GOP during 2012 presidential election...By tarring conservatives as racist during the 2012 presidential campaign, MSNBC “essentially” mounted “a voter suppression campaign,” says the author of a new book on media bias.

“Some of the quotes I have in ‘Spin Masters’– you might remember them if you watch a lot of MSNBC — still make me cringe...For example, Chris Matthews asserting that conservatives were giving Romney a long leash (ideologically speaking) because they are racists, I mean, come on — what kind of political commentary is that?"

What kind of political commentary is that, Jamie?  It's a kind that is utterly foreign to you- it's called telling the truth.  Now, it is apparently voter suppression to speak the truth about right wing candidates, because if people see through Republican lies, they won't vote for them.  So, it's a criminal act to reveal what Republicans are really up to.  That's about the size of the argument, right?

Aspen Gorry & Sita Slavov, American Enterprise Institute:  To protect future generations, fix Social Security...Reforming the program now would make it easier for young people to plan for retirement."

Translation:  Just tell them now that we are going to tax them their whole lives and then leave them penniless when they can't work any more.  That way, they can put aside some blankets and stuff for when they are living under a freeway interchange.

Joy Pullman, Daily Caller:  "President ignores evidence government preschool hurts children"

Joy Pullman is the editor of the "School Reform News," published by the Heartland Institute, i.e. the Koch brothers.  The "evidence" she cites (without details, of course,) also comes from the Heartland institute.  Oh, and did I make it clear that that means it was also financed by the Koch Brothers?  I did?  Well, good news bears repeating, huh?  In case you didn't know, the Koch Brothers' idea of good government is for the country to spend not one dime of the $8 billion it wastes on educating young poor kids, but give the money to the Koch brothers instead.

Larry Elder, Town Hall:  "Dorner -- Another Angry Fatherless Black Man With a Gun"

Dorner- another guy who thought having an assault rifle meant he could take on the State in an armed battle.  See, it's all in how you look at things.  After all, he was only exercising his second amendment rights to take a stand against oppressive government- a one man militia.  Hoorah!  Don't tread on me!!!

Mark Davis, Town Hall:  "I am proud of my state of Texas as it looks for all kinds of things to cut to achieve fiscal sanity. But if there is one thing we need to pony up for, it is roads. This is probably true in most states.  This makes states hungry for the largesse of federal grants that will help them fix potholes and bolster bridges.  But that is the crack pipe that got us into our current mess."

Current mess? Oh, you mean roads that you can actually drive on?  Man, that is a problem.  I see why you are so worried.

Mark's article is titled "When Good Ideas Become Bad Ideas."  Hint: it's as soon as Democrats are for them.  Bet you could have never guessed that on your own.

Ben Shapiro, Town Hall:  "Did the Left Create Chris Dorner?"

Of course they did!  In fact, Obama did it personally, by executive order.  Why would you even need to ask such a question?

World Net Daily EXCLUSIVE!  "Taxpayers spend nearly $2 billion to deliver illegal babies...Even though federal law largely bars illegal immigrants from obtaining Medicaid coverage, the program annually pays out more than $2 billion in free emergency coverage that mostly goes to illegal immigrants, according to Kaiser Health News.  The vast majority of the total emergency care reimbursements cover delivering babies, Kaiser reports."

OH GOD!!!! What's that, six bucks apiece we're paying, just so that a bunch of miserable babies that we don't even know can be born healthy?  The outrage!  I demand a six dollar tax cut so I can buy another Whopper and a 64 ounce Coke.  I can figure out how to spend my money better than the government!!

1 comment:

joseph said...

Town Hall: "Democratic Ohio Poll Watcher: Yeah, I Voted For Obama Twice"

So did I. Once in 20008, again in 2012.