Mitt Romney: "Only in America could a man like my dad become governor of the state in which he once sold paint from the trunk of his car."
I guess when you're right, you're right. It really would be hard to imagine anyone becoming the governor of Michigan in, say, France or England.
Republican Representative Joe Pitts, in a letter to a constituent this weekend: “With the global war against terrorism, it is now incumbent on Prime Minister Ariel Sharon and Palestinian Authority (PA) Chairman Yasir Arafat to clamp down on Palestinian extremists that have perpetuated violence and to restart a peace process that has collapsed.”
Good plan there, Joe. Arafat died in 2004 and Sharon has been in a coma since 2006. All that remains for us to discover is how long Joe has been in a coma.
Kevin Glass, Town Hall: "Obama Congratulates Incoming French Socialist President"
This is a major outrage. I don't have to explain why, but we all know that Mitt Romney would have put a bag of dog poop on the French Socialist President's doorstep and then lit it on fire.
Tom Blumer, PJ Media: "April's Awful Jobs Report...It was worse than the seasonalized numbers indicate."
Of course it was! Obama is President- everything is worse that the truth.
Jim Hoft, Gateway Pundit: "After Years of Lib Politicians & TV Hosts Calling President a Dumb, Treasonous Liar – It’s No Longer Acceptable"
I just don't quite know how to explain this to you, Jim. The guy they called a dumb, treasonous liar was a dumb treasonous liar. That's why it was okay to call him a dumb, treasonous liar- it was true. Our guy is not dumb, not treasonous, and not a liar. Think about that, Jim, and see if you can figure out what changed.
Jim Hoft, Gateway Pundit: "A black teen faces a third degree assault charge after a possible “knockout game” attack on Friday night."
Third degree assault- a misdemeanor in Jim's State of Missouri. But he was a black teen, so the whole country needs to be filled with outrage about it.
Sher Zieve, Renew America: "Obama: "2012 is make or break for American Marxism"
Oh yes, that's exactly what Obama said. He says that all of the time. He probably said it this time in an address to the eighty members of the Communist party who serve as Democratic Congressmen. As usual, Sher has more to tell us:
"Wonder why those on-the-ground and black helicopter military drills and heavy equipment shipments (including hundreds of tanks and artillery) have been ongoing nationwide for months now? The answer strongly and, now, corroboratively seems to be that the Obama syndicate is planning to foment all manner of violence and civil disobedience (using his bought and paid for with our money "Occupiers," New Black Panthers and general mercenary roving mobs) in order to take our country and all of We-the-People down."
Well, he's already got eight people in the New Black Panthers. He's off to a great start.
Joseph Farah, World Net Daily: "Who was the first leftist?"
Satan. Who else? I'm not kidding. That's what Joseph has to say. Satan is the first liberal. Go figure.
John Stossel, Town Hall: "A child leaving home alone for the first time takes a risk. So does the entrepreneur who opens a new business. I no more want government to prevent us from doing these things than I want it to keep us in padded cells."
That's where we differ, John. Having heard you speak out over the years, I think you should be kept in a padded cell. Really, it would be best for everyone.
Ken Blackwell, Town Hall: "Evangelicals Will Rally for Romney"
Of course they will. They're stupid.
Tara Servatius, American Thinker: "The Evidence: Obama Is Undermining U.S. Troops in Afghanistan to Put the Taliban in Power"
Do I even need to mention the one thing there was none of in this article? "The evidence." None of that. What a surprise.
M. Catherine Evans, American Thinker: "Anti-Capitalist Obama Administration Targets Debt Collectors"
Debt collectors- our national heroes. What could that abominable Obama administration be up to this time? They are trying to prevent debt collectors from lying in wait in hospital emergency rooms, and when they find someone who owes their clients money, preventing them from getting health care until they pay up. What a malicious attack on capitalism that is from the Obama administration. Or as M. Catherine puts it:
"A developing corporate scandal involving Chicago-based Accretive Health has lots of class warfare potential. Who can't sympathize with cash-strapped patients fending off heartless bill collectors?"
Who indeed? Why, M. Catherine and her fellow conservatives, that's who. What a surprise! Or, as one of M. Catherine's commenters puts it:
"The past three years have been like an episode of Rod Sterling, "Twilight Zone" where you find yourself in a place that is alien to you"
Alien to me? A place where debtors can't get medical care? Yeah, that's alien to me, although sad to say it's beginning to seem more familiar every day. P.S. That's Rod Serling.
And now, the "They'll Try To Make A Scandal Out Of Anything" award for the day:
Jack Kemp, American Thinker: "Why is Obama considering degrading our military dogs' training?"
Deep concern for possible future cuts in the training of military dogs, from someone who doesn't give a God damn if millions of children can't get health care. American priorities, Republican style.
Astute Bloggers: "PREDICTION: AFTER OBAMA LOSES THE ELECTION HE WILL THEN DIVORCE MICHELLE...
... AND MARRY A MAN...WHICH WOULD EXPLAIN EVERYTHING."
We'll see. I still don't think it will explain why Conservatives can't tell the truth to save their lives.
Kate Hicks, Town Hall: "Sister of Alleged Romney Bullying Victim Never Knew about the Episode"
Because if you were a closeted gay teenager who was beaten up because of that, the first thing you would do would be to run and tell your sister.
Town Hall: "Romney to shift focus from gay rights to economy"
Gay rights: Beat a kid up
Economy: stole the jobs from several thousand people in order to make himself rich.
Mitt, just my opinion, but I think you might want to stick with the gay thing.
Guy Benson, Town Hall: "New "Scandal:" Romney Pulled Pranks, Bullied Someone in High School"
Hey, he beat up some fag. So fuckin' what? Let's see Obama try to beat up a fag...he'd get his face shoved in. Yeah, that's the real story, Obama is a pussy. Prove me wrong, black boy...let's see you beat up a fag for once.
Guy continues his sage analysis: "Ed Morrissey has already written a pitch-perfect response to this piece. He notes that (a) teenage boys sometimes do, well, "senseless, stupid, idiotic" things, and (b) this has absolutely nothing to do with the state of the US economy"
No, but it might just possibly have something to do with the nature of the alleged human being the Republicans want to put in charge of the country. But I guess that's none of our business. Now, back to three or four hundred articles about how Obama is a Muslim sleeper agent.
Rebecca Hagelin, Town Hall: "Christians: Savagely Bullied"
Aah, at last, something about the real victims. No details of any "bullying," other than that someone somewhere gave a speech. But still, this is the real issue that we all need to be incensed about. Beating up gay people, hey, they deserve it, right?
World Net Daily: "Sheriff Joe demands Obama draft registration"
So fucking what?
John C. Goodman, Town Hall: "Myths About Inequality...Because they do not seem to have any real solutions to real problems, the leftwing in this country has become fixated on a non-problem: inequality."
Not that inequality doesn't exist, mind you. It's just not a problem.
Warren Beatty (no, not that one,) American Thinker: Can Obama Learn from the Successful Economies? "Will Obama learn from Sweden? Or will he cling to the European socialist economic model that is currently failing?"
Let's see, will we learn from Sweden, or will we try Socialism...what a difficult question. Are these people as unbelievably stupid and ignorant as they seem?
Michael Ledeed, PJ Media: "Touring Italy Offers Glimpse into the Future of the Obama Economy"
What, good food?