Wingnut Wrapup

I have to admit that I'm having trouble wading through this garbage these days.  But first, this news:

"A farm responsible for a five-mile-long manure spill in the waters in Allegan County is still working to clean up the mess."

That's nothing compared to the manure Green Eagle sees every day compiling Wingnut Wrapup.

Tom Coburn:   "My Relationship with Obama is 'Cooler'

What do you expect, jackass, considering you're trying to impeach him for nothing.  But no, of course it's Obama's fault that he doesn't have a good relationship with one of the worst right wing racists in Congress, who hates him and constantly tells malicious lies about him.

Conn Carol, Town Hall:  "How Obama Could Get Amnesty Passed In The House...if Obama is willing to force Senate Democrats to move on the House leadership's existing jobs agenda, then that would build enough trust so that Boehner would feel comfortable bringing amnesty to the floor later this year."

Translation into English:  If Obama would only agree to give huge amounts of money to rich people and pretend that it's about middle class jobs, the Republicans would let their party pass some pathetic immigration reform.  One more example of our nation's current governing principle- Democrats get to do one good thing only if Republicans are allowed to do some really evil thing. I mean, fair is fair, right?

Daniel Horowitz, Red State:  "The media is constantly bemoaning the lack of bipartisanship in Congress, with the lion’s share of their scorn directed at conservatives for being too “intransigent.”  Well, almost the entire Senate GOP Conference – both moderate and conservative members – actually united behind a Democrat-sponsored bill to implement sanctions on Iran.  Yet, the Democrats and their allies are spoiling this superlative opportunity to work together on a goal that is supposedly shared by both parties."

Translation into English:  Congressional Democrats (with a few idiot exceptions) are refusing to get behind a Republican proposal to engage in an unconstitutional and treacherous attempt to undercut this nation's foreign policy apparatus, which is taking place because the Republicans have no interest in anything that doesn't sabotage Obama when he is on the point of a great victory, particularly when they can go and kill a whole bunch of brown people in the process.  Bipartisanship- doing what the Republicans want, no matter how malignant it is.

Aaron Gardner, Red State:  "Happy Birthday Ronald Reagan, You Still Inspire Us To Hope"

Yeah, you inspire us to hope we never have to hear your misbegotten name ever again.  Fat chance, huh?

Nicholas Ballasy, PJ Media:  "GOP Needs to ‘Look Like the Rest of America’ to Win Again"

Yeah.  Right now, it looks a little too much like Somalia.

Jonathan Wakefield, American Thinker:  "What Adopting a Child from Africa Taught Me about America"

You know, I couldn't bring myself to waste my time reading this article, but I suspect the answer is that it taught Mr. Wakefield what a wonderful thing it is to buy a black person from Africa.  Just call me cynical, I guess.

Tim Scott, Newsmax:  "Liberals Fear Young Blacks Will Embrace Conservatism"

Yeah, about as much as we fear space aliens coming down and stealing our Stratocasters.  Any way, I'm keeping mine under the bed, just in case.  My Stratocaster, I mean, not my "young Black."  Man, I spent nine and a half months in Charleston, South Carolina and I never got around to going down to the slave market to pick up one of those.

And now One More Scandal That Is Going Nowhere:

Jim Hoft, Gateway Pundit:  "WHITE HOUSE DOGS WEAR JEWELRY"

And here they are:

The horror.

J. Matt Barbour, Renew America:  "We are not 'all God's children'...You've heard it said that "We are all God's children." It's an insidious lie.  to become a child of God, we must ask God – through Christ – to adopt us. Don't believe? Don't accept? You have no right to become a child of God."

Thanks for that, J. Matt-  I'm so glad to know that only people who follow your religion are "children of God."  Of course, J. Matt explains that all of the rest of us are going straight to Hell.  Well, at least now we know, so we have plenty of time to buy a good pair of shoes.  It's a long walk to hell.

Kevin Fobbs, Renew America:  "Black History Month should increase demands for Obama impeachment now"

Where do they find these black guys to disgrace themselves by writing things like this?  Really, some day I'd like to know.

Daniel Doherty, Town Hall:  "Report: Pope Francis "Secretly" Sneaks Out of the Vatican at Night…to Care For Poor People... attending to and caring for “the least among us” is a central component of his ministry; This is something Christ would do. "

Surprise!  Christ isn't a Republican after all!

Derek Hunter, Town Hall:  "We conservatives are principled, there’s no doubt about that."

Yeah, if greed is a principle.

Cortney O'Brien, Town Hall:  "Cuomo Introduces Initiative to Let Prisoners Take College Courses, Angry New Yorkers Respond"

Angry Republicans respond.  Of course that's what Cortney meant.  After all, it's much better to just leave prisoners without any possibility of getting a job, so they can go back to being criminals when they get out of jail- everybody knows that.

Cal Thomas, Town Hall:  "With less than a year left in her fourth and final term in Congress, it's a little early for an exit interview, but not too early to get the views of Rep. Michele Bachmann on how to beat Hillary Clinton in 2016, if the Democrat decides to run."

Yes it is.  It's too early until her lobotomy wears off.

Conn Carol, Town Hall:  "The Greatest Conservative President in American History"

What, not Reagan?  No, according to Conn, that would be Calvin Coolidge, who had "an unparalleled record of limiting government."  Whoopee!  Conn never gets around to mentioning that Coolidge's "unparalleled record of limiting government" caused the worst economic disaster in the history of the world, which it took the greatest progressive President in American history to deal with.  Just not enough room in one column for everything, I guess.

PJ Media:  "Do You Believe in Life After Death?"

Republicans do.  They also believe in life before birth.  In between, not so much.

Rick Moran, PJ Media:  "Cat Lovers Outraged by the Use of Kittens to Sell Obamacare"

Slow news week, huh, Rick?

Rodrigo Sermeno, PJ Media:  "Congress Warned About Evolution of Jihadist Networks"

Come on, guy.  You know there's no such thing as evolution.

Madeline Crabb, Renew America:  "America's turned her back on God--now God's turned His back on us"

I think this is an alternative explanation to global warming.  It will certainly appeal to the "earth is 6000 years old" crowd.