Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Republicans Come Up With Sure-Fire Way to Destroy Hillary and Obama!

Yes, fellow liberals, I am sorry to tell you this, but an absolutely fool-proof plan to eliminate both Obama and Hillary has been revealed, by Wayne Allan Root, one of the staff writers at Town Hall. As painful as it may be for you, Green Eagle must now reveal this masterful scheme, so that we can all prepare ourselves for the Presidency of Ted Cruz, and the great rebirth of America that will follow.  So, strap on your seat belts and let's go for a Cruz!
"Here is how Republican donors can sink the ships of both Obama and Hillary. 
It's time to use capitalism and the power of greed (the things Democrats claim to hate so much) to save America."
Because what could be more likely to unseat Obama than the most noble American emotion of all, greed- the thing (other than hate, of course) that has kept the Republican party afloat for the last hundred years?  And it's all so simple once you think about it:
"Here is how we save America:
1. Offer $50 million to implicate Obama and top WH aides in the Obamacare fraud. 
We already know from Jonathan Gruber's lips that Obamacare was total fraud, deception and misrepresentation. Gigantic lies were made up to sell it. Like Watergate the crucial question is- who knew and when did they know it? 
This was a classic criminal conspiracy. Everyone involved needs to go to prison. This was the world’s first trillion-dollar scam."
Except maybe the Iraq war, or maybe when Reagan made corporate criminality legal, or when the Republicans conspired to turn the Social Security trust fund over to Wall Street, but let's not quibble here.
"$50 million should get people talking. Maybe Jonathan Gruber himself would take $50 million and immunity from prosecution versus spending the rest of his life in a prison cell?"
Obama, of course, didn't "sell" Obamacare, he got the Congress to pass it into law.  Since then, Republicans have spent tens of millions of their own money, and taxpayer funds, to try to create some narrative about how it was passed in some gigantic con job.  Result: nothing, because like Benghazi, the IRS "scandals," "Fast and Furious," the birth certificate and all the rest of it, there was nothing to be found.

But the answer is so blindingly simple, when you look at it through Republican eyes!  Just provide a bribe that is so gigantic that people will be lining up to tell any lie you want!  One little bit of perjury, in front of a Republican Congressional committee that won't question its truth for a second, and you are set for life!  If, of course, the Republicans actually pay you off once you've sold them your soul, as unlikely as that would be, once they get what they want from you.

And, assuming that works, let's move on to the next step:
"2. Offer $50 million to any IRS official or officials who come forward to report on who in the White House gave them their marching orders to target, intimidate and persecute Obama critics and opponents (like me). 
Obama himself is in this criminal conspiracy up to his neck. We know the Chief of the IRS officials practically lived at the White House during Obama's first term- far more than any other Obama official (or even Cabinet member). We know Obama met with the head of IRS employees union the day before the IRS targeting started. If you can tie Obama or his closest aides (like Valerie Jarrett and David Axelrod) to the crime…$50 million is yours. With that kind of money, you don't have to worry about going to prison for a year or two, or losing your pension."
$50 million to any IRS agent who will "come forward to report" something that, again, Republicans spend millions to try to prove, only to completely fail, because it wasn't true. But with that kind of money riding on it, we will be flooded with "reporters" who will say just that and add that Obama stole the bathroom fixtures from the Lincoln Bedroom too, and we can then finally have that impeachment we have been dreaming of ever since Obama won the election with too many votes to cheat him out of it, the way Bush did to Gore.
"#3) I've saved best for last."
Lucky for you too, because so far, you haven't come up with much.
"Here's where you offer the really BIG money. Offer $100 million to any hacker in the world who can recover Hillary's 32,000 deleted emails. 
Knock Hillary out of the race NOW. She is badly wounded and bleeding in the ocean, with sharks swimming around her."
I.e. beating every single potential Repubican opponent by double digits, despite the Republican Clinton Smear Machine having been in full gear for over twenty years now.  I guess that fact reveals why you think it would be a good idea to just pay someone $200 million to lie about her.
"The Democrats have no Plan B for the 2016 race. It's Hillary or they are up the creek without a paddle. 
I guarantee you there's a reason she deleted them."
And whose guarantee could be worth more than a writer for Town Hall?
"The words on those emails would not only end her political career, they could send Hillary to jail. And if I'm right, the messages she sent about Benghazi will end Obama’s presidency too. Hillary wiped her server clean for a good reason- she was hiding the criminal cover-up of a massive foreign policy blunder that makes Watergate look like a ticket for jaywalking."
And also the selfies she took of herself and Bill shape-shifting into their original alien reptile form.
"This is how we save America"

By suborning the greatest orgy of perjury in the history of the United States.  And don't kid yourself: think back to the last few Republican campaigns and tell yourself that their electoral strategy will not be to spend hundreds of millions spreading lies and smears about their opponent.  The only thing this idiot doesn't realize is that they don't have to make huge new payments to get people to lie. They've spent decades creating a huge cadre of people that are willing to do it for nothing, and a few people like Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck that are already getting paid tens of millions to tell these exact same lies.
"It’s three for the price of one- for the bargain price of $200 million."
Whereas, as you have just proven, Wayne, the Republicans already have people telling their lies for nothing.  Why buy the cow, when it's willing to moo out your smears for free?

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