The Grand Unified Field Theory of Conservatism

In which every element of right wing insanity finds its place.  I've had an idea of writing an article about this for a while, but could never convince myself that my mind could stretch to contain that much delusion.  Thank heaven, Laurie Roth, a repeat visitor to Wingnut Wrapup, and very possibly the Stephen Hawking of paranoid delusion, has done it for me, so I guess I need to let her reveal what reality is like on the planet where these miserable sons of bitches live.

Rip Your Fingers Off Our Neck Obama
By Laurie Roth 

"The ‘progressive’ agenda is more than clear. Long ago it morphed into a hybrid monster that eats the flesh off of patriotic, Christian and conservative Americans. It demands redistribution of wealth and loan shark style taxation – known and hidden. It controls freedom of speech for anyone who doesn’t agree with the Obama-New World Order transformation plan."

Apparently, Laurie agrees with Obama completely, since she seems to have way more freedom of speech than is good for her.  I mean, really: "a hybrid monster that eats the flesh off of patriotic, Christian and conservative Americans."  Just a little bit over the top, considering that she is describing a centrist, Wall Street friendly Democrat who is not discernibly to the left of Richard Nixon.

"Obama is successfully seizing in front of our faces the very beams and foundational structures of America in chaotic ‘Saul Alinsky’ fashion."

What the hell that is even supposed to mean, I can't tell (and really, neither can anyone else who is sane.)  Obviously, right wingers are far more versed in the details of Alinsky's works than liberals ever were, since I don't remember liberals ever talking about seizing any beams. Or even knowing anything about Alinsky.

"America is far from over and I believe will recover and shine again but it is leaning like the ‘Leaning Tower of Pisa’ and the cracks are growing larger thanks to leadership that moves like compromised turtles at a ‘sedative’ party."

"compromised turtles at a ‘sedative’ party."  I mean really, like I said, there is such a thing as too much freedom of speech.  Unless she is talking about Boehner (the sedated one) and McConnell (the turtle.)  But somewhow, I don't think that is what she is talking about.

"While Republican and Democrat Representatives and Senators played their political games ever so ‘respectfully’, Obama has managed to accomplish what now must be undone…defunded, repealed and challenged before it is too late."

Giving people health care, not letting huge corporations manipulate the internet, and preparing to crush and eliminate anyone who disagrees with him.  How he is planning to do this, we don't know, because he has done nothing to tip his hand so far, but it's coming, for sure, as you can see below:

'Obama through his FCC has taken over the Internet. He will quickly build a regulation, taxation and 1st Amendment speech firing line. Difference and those who dare to disagree will be crushed, eliminated, fined, audited or arrested."

Some day.  Not in the first six and a half years of his term; he's just waiting until it will be a really big surprise.

"Never mind that the Supreme Court already stated that the FCC had no jurisdiction over the Internet and couldn’t call it a utility. ‘Middle finger’ Obama smiles as he walks over Constitutional and legal bodies saying, “What are you going to do about it?”

When the Supreme Cort did that, we don't know.  Maybe it was on that other planet that Laurie came from.

"Obama took over the best and most achieving health care system on the planet..."

Hah.  That sort of delusion should be enough right there to have her committed as a danger to herself.

 "and has decimated it while crushing most Americans’ ability to find affordable health insurance."

By giving it to ten or twenty million of them.

 "He took away affordability, competition, freedom to choose and when to choose. Obama inserted growing financial punishments as defiance grows from this year to the next. Tens of millions who couldn’t afford Obama approved health insurance and chose not to sign up will pay if the House and Senate don’t deal with this nightmare."

I can't even joke about this statement, which is, of course, the exact opposite of reality.

"Obama continues his tyrannical frenzy of dictatorial controls as he ‘executive orders’ his way to Hitler’s playbook."

Well, you knew Hitler was going to show up sooner or later, didn't you?

"His toys include ‘executive orders’ ‘executive actions’ ‘memorandums’ perhaps ‘post it notes’ next? He is pushing amnesty while importing radical Syrian Muslims and ‘mystery people’ across our borders like a disease spreading to schools, clinics and communities across America."

Let's just throw in the obligatory cheap, crude racism, shall we?

 "So far the House has been more than pitiful in its response to this national security threat."

The House has been more than pitiful on a 24 hour a day basis ever since the Republicans took it back, so I guess I can't argue with that one.

"Now, emperor Obama is banning AR 15 bullets and trying to ratchet up gun control one way or another."

By magic, of course, because he has done absolutely nothing to accomplish that in six years.  I guess he's waiting until he announces he has made himself President for Life.

 "He already has the schools so he can indoctrinate our children through Common Core and it’s rewriting of real American History."

Real American history tells us how the whole country is based on God and hatred.

 "It also data minds our children, talks of the danger and evils of guns, crams Islam and its rewritten history down our kid’s throats. It demonizes patriotism and Christianity while gagging us with the ‘Greens’ agenda and sustainability as the Communist cherry on top."

Well, okay, we've already had the Hitler, it's time to throw in Islam and Communism. And respect for the environment, which is apparently just as bad as Hitler.

"Yes, Obama is playing perfectly into Hitler’s playbook as he marches boldly over American bodies while taking over everything in sight."

Oh, wait...time for a little more Hitler.  I mean, why not?  People might not have gotten the point the first time around- it was expressed in such a subtle manner.

"It is beyond time for our elected officials in the House and Senate to be boldly reminded by us who they serve and are accountable to. This is first to God of the Holy Bible, then the people of America, then our U.S. Constitution and Bill of Rights. Elected officials were never put in place to build their careers, political brand or power."

You thought I was kidding about the God part, right?  Sorry, I wasn't.

"Our elected officials have allowed this pagan-imposter president Obama to break the law, walk around in contempt of court over and over, ignore and assault our Constitution, use the IRS, NSA, EPA, HOMELAND SECURITY , and now the FCC against us as assault weapons. We are being attacked and crushed from within. When will members and political flavors in the House and Senate realize this? Are you all ugly and suicidal? I thought ugly was bad enough…."

Boy, that paragraph came to a bad end.  Anyway, let's count again:  Monster that eats people's flesh, Hitler, Muslim, Communist, Hitler again, and now a pagan!  This guy Obama really is a monument of evil.

"We are way beyond national emergency."

Not that you'd notice, really, with 11 million new jobs, the deficit declining by two thirds, millions of uninsured who now have insurance, declining growth of medical costs, no depressions, no three trillion dollar wars, no torture, etc.

"It is as if ISIS has already put thousands of Christians and patriots in cages in all 50 states and lit a match."

It is?  Man, I never even noticed that.  Although the people who pass for "Christians and patriots" in this country pretty much belong in cages. For their own protection.

"What will you the ‘new blood’ in the HOUSE and SENATE do about this? What will the new conservative Governors in the vast majority of states along with the organized masses and Tea Parties also do about this?"

What will they do? Have some more Benghazi hearings.

"Compromisers and cowards get out of the way. We have our freedoms and country to get back…then maybe our lives, careers, dreams and influence. Let’s do this Americans."

Well, there you go:  a total compendium of blatant falsehoods adding up to something so delusional that I don't think anyone sane can tell how much people really believe things like this, and how much it is just an outpouring of mindless hatred from deeply dysfunctional  human beings who can't accept that the world is not exactly the way they want it to be.  Unfortunately, they are turning the world into something that no one wants, and there seems to be no way to get them to comprehend that.


Note:  I rewrote some of my sarcastic comments.  That's what ends up happening when I try to write a blog post while my wife watches Tina Fey's new show in the same room.