The last this year, I hope. I don't think they have enough stupid in them to pile up a whole column full of jackass comments between now and Tuesday. Time was, I could produce one of these posts every day, but the right has become so stuck in its same stupid lies that it has gotten harder and harder to find things that are both idiotic and hilarious. Well, here we go:
Roger L. Simon, PJ Media: "A Failure to Communicate: The GOP’s Public Relations Debacle"
A failure to communicate, Roger? No, the problem you guys have is success at communicating. Your stupid choice of a Presidential candidate showed Americans exactly what you have to offer the country. That's why you lost. And until you figure that out, you are screwed. Of course, it's a good thing for the rest of us, so keep lying to yourselves, please.
Bridget Johnson, PJ Media: "NRA Chief: Why Can’t You See That Armed School Guards Is a Good Idea?"
Maybe because it's a really, really bad idea?
There are about a hundred thousand elementary schools in the country. Let's say it takes two armed guards at a time at each, and you need two shifts to cover them. That's 400,000 armed guards. Funny, the people who just can't find the money for more teachers are thrilled to spend our taxes hiring four hundred thousand idiots with assault rifles to "protect" our children.
Byron York, Town Hall: "Anxiety Rises As Americans Face Start of Obamacare"
Anxiety among whom, I am not really sure. Maybe insurance executives, who are afraid that the American people will finally figure out that the Federal government administers health insurance programs with one tenth the overhead of private plans. Late in this piece, Byron quotes Scott Rasmussen:
"There hasn't been any trend," says pollster Scott Rasmussen. "From the beginning, well before the law was passed, public opinion has been remarkably stable"
A true right winger- Byron knows before he even starts writing his column that its premise is totally wrong, but is so confident in the stupidity of his readers that he tells them so to their faces, without a thought that they might be offended by being openly lied to. And I guess he's right.
Dennis Prager, Town Hall: "When I was 20, I spent my junior year in college in England. When classes let out for the last two weeks of December, I traveled to Morocco, where something life-changing occurred."
You were abducted and replaced by a malfunctioning robot? That would certainly explain a lot.
Pat Buchanan, Town Hall: "For two millennia, the birth of Christ has been seen as the greatest event in world history."
Yeah, but that was before the day that my family got DirectTV and was able to ditch Time Warner Cable.
Bad literary analysis of the decade (and boy, there's some competition for this award:)
Jerry Bowyer, Town Hall: "What was Dickens really doing when he wrote A Christmas Carol? Answer: He was weighing in on one of the central economic debates of his time, the one that raged between Thomas Malthus and one of the disciples of Adam Smith."
Right, Jerry. And Alice in Wonderland is about the need for ordinary people to own assault rifles. And Peter Rabbit is about the evils of Communism.
Now, the most pathetic argument for the existence of God that I have heard in years:
Matt Barber, Renew America: "It's Christmas Eve day. As you stand before the bubbled display case, you gaze, mouth watering, upon the vibrant collection of baked delicacies. You covet the sugar-varnished delights. You admire the skill and creativity behind each work of culinary art, carefully prepared to please both eye and palate.
"What a gifted baker," you say under your breath.
"There is no baker," declares the young man in line behind you. "That carrot cake is simply the undirected, material manifestation of random events occurring over time. Mere chance."
That's atheism. Everything from nothing. Zero times zero equals the whole shebang."
A perfect argument for the nonexistence of God is that, if he did exist, he would have already have swept idiots like Matt into some lake of fire or something. I mean, we have all heard that life is a veil of tears, but no one ever said that life is a veil of choking ourselves to death laughing at the willful stupidity of wingnuts.
Now, some reporting from another planet:
Kurt Schlichter, Town Hall: "Liberals Panic As They Lose the Gun Narrative...Gun banners, you lost the President, the senators, the social media, and now you’ve lost liberal LA mommies. You’ve lost everything. Again."
Right. Mostly, what we lost were the lives of 26 people. That, however, was too insignificant for Kurt to mention. Well, maybe money and viciousness will triumph reason and decency once again, but I wouldn't crow about it if I were you, Kurt. I'd hang my head in shame. But then, I am not a conscienceless tool like you are.
Kevin Glass, Town Hall: "Aetna CEO: Obamacare Could Double Insurance Premiums"
Well, how about this, then, Kevin- if companies like Aetna try to carry through on their threats, we will just enact a single payer system and put all of those greedy bastards out of business. I'm done thinking about what's good for Aetna, the Koch brothers, Wall Street thieves like Mitt Romney. It's time to think about what would be good for ourselves for once. So, try it on, Mr. Aetna CEO, and see what happens.
Susan Brown, Town Hall: "Will 2013 Be the Year We Slow the Moral Decline?... we've allowed liberals to distort our founders' intentions concerning the separation of church and state. Consequently, prayer and most other references to God have been banned from the public square; yet they see no plausible correlation to those actions and recent mass shootings."
That's because they are not ignorant suckers, Susan. If you want American moral decline, why not think about the two to four million civilians murdered by our government in Vietnam, or the million more murdered in Iraq, both in the course of criminal wars of aggression that should have resulted in war crimes tribunals for our leaders? Show appropriate remorse over that, and then maybe we will believe that you are doing anything but crying crocodile tears over prayer in the schools.
Paul Jacobsen, American Thinker: "The NRA president's solution to school massacres won't work, but for a reason that will make gun control advocates apoplectic -- namely, it doesn't go far enough."
Right on, brother! We need machine gun weilding robots roaming the halls. We need armed drones in the air over elementary schools, constantly ready to spray the area with gunfire. We need to hire tens of thousands of ex-East German concentration camp guards to search out and "interrogate" anyone near a school that they think is suspicious. That'll solve the problem, and if it doesn't, how about "shoot to kill" orders? I mean, you can't make an omelette without riddling a few children's bodies with bullets, right?
Johnny Alamo, American Thinker: "The Cost of Living in a Free Society"
Some rational restrictions on our right to own military equipment? No, the cost of living in a "free society" is dead elementary school kids. Tough fucking luck for them, as long as we can own an AR15 or a Barrett sniper rifle.
Fred Hutchison, Renew America: "Intelligent design vs. gay marriage"
No. No, no, no! You're not tricking me into reading that one.
Humberto Fontova, Town Hall: "John Kerry’s Quest to Communize Central America...Say what you want about Senator John Kerry, nobody ever called him lazy. He landed in Congress and immediately rolled up his sleeves and spat on his hands. The Nicaraguan people must end up like the Cuban and Vietnamese! Toward this end the man was tireless. The vision inspired him to such a staggering work load, energized him to such a frantic pace, and propelled him to such legislative feats, that his colleagues -- even the pinkest -- gaped in envy and awe."
Translation: Senator Kerry thought it was a good idea to let the people in Central America pick their own governments, rather than have their country overrun by a pack of right wing, drug dealing dictators financed by the Reagan administration. Of course, Republicans screamed that letting the people of Nicaragua have their choice would result in short order in Communism destroying the world. Actually, after a couple of terms, they voted the Sandinistas out of office, and since then, although the Sandinistas have continued in political life there, the apocalypse never came. This, of course, is a far worse outcome than having their country ruled by a vicious criminal gang. Democracy=Communism, and don't you forget it, buddy. As professional Cuba-hater Humberto expresses it:
"In fact Nicaragua was then being Stalinized, with Fidel Castro’s help: wholsesale theft of private property, murder, exile and mass-jailings of anti-Communists opponents."
Humberto correctly assumes that no one but us remaining radicals from the era will remember that every single thing he says is a lie. But of course, he's not speaking to us, he's speaking to the "low information voters" out there; i.e. people who know nothing about the world and care less- they're too busy thinking about how wonderful their lives will be when rich people don't have to pay taxes. Otherwise known as the Republican base.
Katie Pavlich, Town Hall: "Michelle Malkin Talks Gun Confiscation"
She should be talking brain confiscation, since every sign indicates that she has personal experience of that.
Erick Erickson, Red State: "Setting the Record Straight: Adam Lanza did use the Bushmaster AR-15...The media did a horrible job getting its facts and figures straight during and after the tragedy in Connecticut"
That's what is important to Erick (rhymes with prick.) Well listen, Erick, there is only one fact that needs to be gotten straight about Adam Lanza: 20 children and six adults. Who gives a flying fuck about exactly which assault rifle Lanza used? Really, how much of a pig are you? On second thought, don't answer that question. We don't want to know.
Steven Stone, Renew America: "One of the most instructive things about the life of Christ is that He could have, at any time, opted out of His mission to save the world from sin, had He been primarily concerned with His own comfort and safety..."
Yeah, but he would have made his dad really angry. Dad had decided that Jesus was going into the family business whether he liked it or not, and in their family, what dad says goes.
Ken Blackwell, Town Hall: "The editorial staff of the Washington Post, surely meant well. They wanted readers to think that Sen. John Kerry’s vast experience in foreign policy over four decades equips him to serve as Secretary of State in the second Obama administration."
But of course, vast experience doesn't equip him to be the Secretary of State. As Colin Powell and Condi Rice proved, only being a lying tool of warmongers equips someone to be Secretary of State. I won't bore you with Ken's idiocy, beyond repeating this interesting comment:
"Pakistan? Only two percent of Pakistani citizens pay taxes, NPR tells us, but now Americans will face tax hikes in part so we can continue lavishing money on a country that hates us."
Only two percent of Pakistani citizens pay taxes? And Pakistan has prayer in the schools and no rules about what kind of guns you can own. Plus, they hate the U.S. governmant. The place sounds like a Republican paradise!
Things you never knew: Here's a comment at World Net Daily from someone named Dee Dunbar:
"did you know Holder was probably the supplier of explosives to McVeigh? "
And George Soros supplied weapons to Genghis Khan. Now of course:
Well, what else can you expect?
And now, from Newsmax, this sage observation:
"(Allen) West also lashed out at Democrats who say Obama received an electoral mandate to raise taxes. “I’m not such an idiotic person where I’m going to follow someone off into the abyss,” West told Fox. "
Well, don't worry, Allen. In a few days you will be an ex-congressman, so you won't have to follow anyone anywhere. Except back home. Bye now.