You Too Can Become a Nuclear Spy- for only $29.99!

 Step One:  Walk unimpeded through a tunnel from the beach into Donald Trump's Florida mob hangout:

To get inside Mar-a-Lago, where President Trump was staying last Thanksgiving, 18-year-old Mark Lindblom walked along the beach until he reached an underground tunnel, leading straight to the luxury club.

The narrow corridor dipped beneath South Ocean Boulevard, a shortcut so Mar-a-Lago Club members didn’t have to cross the street on their way to and from the beach.

“I wanted to see how far I could get,” the college freshman told a federal magistrate on Tuesday, the Palm Beach Post reported.

As it turns out, he got pretty far: past Secret Service and all the way inside."

Step Two: Make your way to the storage room for pool supplies, which is apparently secured with nothing but the normal sort of lock that such a room would have, located near the swimming pool.  Here is an aerial view of the property, thoughtfully provided by Green Eagle to assist you in finding the pool:

Step Three:  Order one of these online, for the low cost of $29.99:

 And, with a little bit of practice, bingo!  You are inside in only a minute or two, where you are free to browse many boxes of US state secrets, and take what you want as souvenirs!  Another service thoughtfully provided by the management of Mar-a-Lago.

Even easier, by the way, if you are, say, a Russian spy passing herself off as a Rothschild heiress, or perhaps a Chinese "businesswoman" with a bag full of strange electronics, in which case Trump will be happy to allow you to bypass the annoying step one, and proceed directly to the pool area.

And there you go!  Secrets worth billions on the open market, and perhaps deadly to the security interests of our country, thoughtfully left for you to find by our former President and true American patriot, Donald J. Trump, who does not belong in prison for the rest of his life, oh, no, but back in the White House, where he can make more of these appropriate arrangements to preserve our freedom.

A little note:  I thought I would add the following comment:  Obviously, this post was written as a specimen of humor, but I wanted to make it clear that it has a totally serious purpose:  To make it clear just how little Trump cares for our national security, and how much risk he put these secret documents in.  I suspect most people have no idea how easy it is to learn how to pick a lock like the ones on that pool storage room, or how easy it seems to have been to get into the Mar-a-Lago property.  Who knows who might have made their way into that room?  Who knows what they might have copied or taken away?  And the sad truth is, we shall probably never know until Putin or Bin Salman or, God knows, Kim Jong Un uses that material to damage our country.  What we have learned is not a joke- it is the most vicious stab in the back to our national security in the entire history of our country, and it came at the hands of the man charged with leading the efforts to protect us.  I want to make my opinion clear: the maximum penalty for this sort of treachery is execution, and nothing short of the maximum legal penalty is in any way a sufficient fate for this traitor.  And it should be fast.  He is a clear and present danger to this country as long as he continues to exist.