Wingnut Wrapup

I just found this random quotation by accident the other day:

"...no man needs ever despair of gaining proselytes to the most extravagant hypothesis, who has art enough to represent it in any favourable colours. The victory is not gained by the men at arms, who manage the pike and the sword; but by the trumpeters, drummers, and musicians of the army."

- David Hume, Treatise on Human Nature

So, I thought I would start off by featuring a few of the wingnut reactions to yesterday's marches for science, across the country.  Sorry, they just ignored it, so I will settle for second best by reminding you whose birthday it was yesterday:

I'm almost certain that this picture is a photoshop job, since by my highly scientific calculation, Lenin died  35 years before the ES-335 was invented, but you never know.  I for one never knew when Lenin's birthday was until wingnuts discovered it was the same day as Earth Day, and (of course) built several decades of conspiracy theories around this fact, claiming that environmentalism is a Communist plot.

Town Hall:  "AP: Fresno Shooter Didn't Yell 'Allahu Akbar' ... He Said God Is Great In Arabic"

Well, glad we got that straight.

Matt Vespa, Town Hall:  "There Are Two Americas, A ‘Front Row And The Back Row’…And Yes–Trump Exposed It"

And if you believe no one noticed that until Donald Trump came along, you really are among the stupidest people on earth; although not as stupid as someone who believes Donald Trump intends to do a thing about it except make it worse.

Dennis Prager, Town Hall:  "If you prize clarity, then these past weeks were some of the best in memory...When America leads, the world is better."

Even when America is leading us into a world war, Dennis?  Of course, the usual lie:

"Following President Trump's order to attack Syria about 63 hours after the Syrian regime seemingly used chemical weapons, even many in the mainstream media couldn't help but contrast his prompt response with Obama's nonresponse to Assad's use of chemical weapons in 2013. And almost every report further noted that Obama failed to do anything after having promised that he would regard the use of chemical weapons by Assad as crossing a "red line."

No mention from Dennis that Obama did not respond militarily because the Republican Congress did not let him.  I wonder why Dennis forgot that part?

Katie Pavlich, Town Hall:  "Surprise: Upon Launch Obamacare Website Was Totally Unsecured and Easy to Hack"

That was four years ago.  Since then it has insured over 20 million people, brought security to countless American families, significantly cut the growth of medical costs in this country, helped to reduce the Federal budget deficit, and provided thousands of good jobs caring for the newly insured. No mention of those unimportant facts by Katie, of course.

Justin Holcomb, Town Hall:  "VP Pence Announces "100 Percent" Support of Japan During Tensions with North Korea"

Well, except for needlessly provoking North Korea to the point of possibly launching a nuclear surprise attack on Japan.  Other than that, we're behind you all the way, buddies!

Carter, Gateway Pundit:  "ANTIFA Leftist Group Is Selling Concealed Knives On Their Website For Slicing Conservatives...This should come as a warning to anybody who Antifa sees as a threat to their Communist, anarchist, violence-driven message."

And here it is, the incredibly threatening anti-Conservative knife:

Scary, huh?  This is the liberal "equivalent," I guess of the following:

Knife with a 2" blade; AR-15.  Same thing, really.

And now, the left is humiliated again:

Jim Hoft, Gateway Pundit:  "HAH! The Kid Who Mouthed “Fake News” Behind CNN at WH Easter Egg Roll Is Kellyanne Conway’s Son"

An absolute proof that he was just an average kid expressing the views of the American people. Kellyanne Conway's son, huh?  Poor kid.

Cristina Laila, Gateway Pundit:  "DNC Chair Tom Perez Mentions Hillary During MSNBC Interview, American Flag Falls to the Ground"

God is on their side! Sits silent as millions are killed in endless wars, but knocks a flag over because the DNC chairman is talking.  Sounds about right to me.

Lloyd Marcus, Renew America:  "Leftists are mean!"

Whatever, Lloyd.

World Net Daily:  "FBI probes radical terrorists in all 50 states"

None of this involves white right wing people, of course.  For a little context, you may want to go here, where you will find a map of the 917 currently identified hate groups in our country, most all of them right wingers.  World Net Daily is not concerned about them.

World Net Daily:  "'Jesus Christ Superstar' does show while stoned"

The contrast in the world today:  Left wingers are responsible for a musical being performed by stoned actors, our right wing President nearly causes World War III.  Just the same, really.

Jeffrey Folks, American Thinker:  "Donald Trump: A Simple Man...Donald Trump is not one of these "smart" intellectuals"

Man, you got that one right, buddy.  I was going to favor you with a little more of Jeffrey's thinking on this subject, but it was just too stupid; trust me.

Ned Barnett, American Thinker:  "The "Mother of All Bombs" was the perfect weapon for President Trump to use in Afghanistan"

Yeah, all boom and no results.  Perfect for Trump.

H. Sterling Burnett, American Thinker:  "Interior Department Takes Steps to Make America Great Again"

Steps like what, you wonder?

"On his last day as director of the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service (FWS), January 19th, Dan Ashe issued a directive to phase out the use of lead ammunition and fishing tackle on the 307 million acres of federal land controlled by the agency...Ashe's directive did not last long. As one of his first official acts as secretary of the Interior Department, on March 2, Zinke rescinded Ashe’s lead ban."

Make America Great Again!!!!  Kill more animals for no reason!!!!

Chuck Ross, Daily Caller:  "'Never Trump' Candidate Unable To Pay Off Massive Campaign Debt"

What a loser.  Why not just take Donald Trump's way to deal with things like this?  Just tell them to get fucked and let them go to court for decades suing you to get their money back?

Yahoo:  "Why Is Jinger Duggar Getting Backlash for Wearing Pants?"

Because Americans are really stupid?  Because for right wingers, anything is better than having to cover the real news?

Christine Rousselle, Town Hall:  "Daily Show Host Suggests That Trump Is On Drugs...it's hard to imagine Barack Obama being given similar treatment "

It is not hard, however, to imagine Barack Obama being called a Muslim plant, a founder of ISIS, a Communist, the Antichrist or Satan himself.  Those were all reasonable observations...Trump on drugs, strictly out of bounds.  Even though it would be the most charitable explanation of his behavior.

Marty Gottesfield, Red State:  "Think Obama Is Gone? His Prosecutors And Judges Leak On"

An interesting idea here:  when a Democratic President leaves office, all the judges he appoints are illegitimate and should be removed- maybe beheaded too.  Well, this is an interesting example of Republican Constitutional scholarship.

Mark Ellis, PJ Media:  "Beyond Trump, there is nothingness."

I sort of wish I'd read this article to see what it was about...nah, I have enough nothingness in my life.

Carter, Gateway Pundit:  "Unhinged Journalism Professor Says NRA More Dangerous Than ISIS"

Over the last decade, there have been 1,000 gun deaths in the United States for every person killed by a terrorist.  Yeah, you read that right.  So, which do you think is more dangerous to Americans, ISIS or the NRA?

Daily Caller:  "Now We Know Who Caitlyn Jenner Voted For -- And It's A Real Kick In The Teeth To Liberals In Hollywood"

Really?  Is there a non-asshole human being on the face of the earth that gives a damn about who Caitlyn Jenner voted for?

Jonah Bennet, Daily Caller:  "Taliban Fighters Disguised As Afghan Soldiers Launch Biggest Massacre Since 2001"

Well, unless you count the hundreds of thousands that America killed in our war of aggression.  This story is about a Taliban attack on an Afghan government army base in which 160 soldiers were killed. I've got news for you guys- that is a military defeat, not a massacre.

Andrew Follett, Daily Caller:  "Nuclear Scientist Says Advanced Reactors Will Be Great For Planet...'Cheap, meltdown-proof and waste-free nuclear power'

And in other news, YES!  Tinkerbelle is back!  But wait, there's more news that's being ignored by the mainstream press:

Before it's News:  "WW3 a Distraction While Planet 9 Enters Our Solar System"

World War III would just be a distraction!  So, "planet 9?"  I think maybe they meant "plan 9"...

A movie that is looking less and less farfetched with every passing day.

Leah Barkoukis, Town Hall:  "Kelly: Border Wall Will 'Move Forward' This Summer"

On it's own?  That I've got to see.

Katie Pavlich, Town Hall:  "The Same People Who Organized Trump Inauguration Riots Are Helping With The Climate March"

Who did you expect to organize them, Katie, Leprechauns?  By the way, I guess it's far enough past the inaugural that liars like Katie are sure their people have forgotten that there were no Trump Inauguration riots.

Joliphant, Red State:  "Russia Hacking Story Was Created By Clinton Campaign As Damage Control"

This just in: The whole fictitious story that there was such a thing as World War II was created by the Roosevelt administration to cover up how Roosevelt caused the Great Depression in the four years before he became President.

Jim Jamatis, Red State:  "It Shouldn’t Surprise You That the #MarchForScience Looks More Like Another MarchForLeftism"

And it shouldn't either.  We all know which side is for the truth and which side is for lies.

Larry Klayman, Renew America:  "Trump's taxes? What about Obama's birth certificate?"

God in heaven above, it will never stop.

Josh Kimbrell, Red State:  "City University of New York Hires Terrorist to Give Commencement"

"Major world power hires psychopathic bully to lead country."  Oh wait, I only imagined they ran that story.

Jim Hoft, Gateway Pundit:  "How Many Trump Supporters Need to Get Bludgeoned with BIKE LOCKS Before Trump Sends in National Guard?"

BIKE LOCKS!  BIKE LOCKS, I tell you!!!  Apparently, the number of Trump supporters bludgeoned by BIKE LOCKS!!!! in this carefully organized assault is now up to (ready for this?) one.  But that is enough reason to call out the National Guard and put down all left wing protest anywhere in the country, as far as Jim is concerned.  How many more than the 30,000 people killed by guns every year in this country do we need before the government does something about that?  Oops, I forgot, guns=freedom, bike locks=left wing tyranny.

Washington Examiner:  "Netanyahu tells Trump: 'Repeal or replace' Iran deal"

Let's just leave out the rest of the idiocy of this idea, and remind people that the Iran deal was entered into by Iran and five other countries; the US, Russia, Britain, Germany and France.  So no matter what Trump does, he can't "repeal" the deal.  He can, however, behave like a jackass over it, which is what he will do, without any encouragement from Netanyahu.

So, let's just go out on this story, which is obviously completely reliable:

Baxter Dmitry, Your News Wire:  "Queen Elizabeth “completely ruined her own party” yesterday when she announced to close friends and family that that “World War 3 must break out this year” in order for the Illuminati to usher humanity into the next phase of their sick and twisted masterplan.

“The Queen was speaking as though she knows the Illuminati’s plans inside out,” (a) Windsor Castle insider said, speaking on the strict condition of anonymity. “To make matters worse she seemed turned on by the thrill of a new world war.  The Queen said: “One must prepare for the new dawn humanity will soon wake up to, which cannot come into being without a period of complete darkness, the blackest of nights, the likes of which we have never experienced.”

Sounds just like her, huh?  The typical kind of talk we hear from a 91 year old woman.  Well, we all have seen plenty of pictures of the Queen, so I'll just leave you with a picture of a few of the other residents of Windsor Castle.  Maybe one of them is the insider that Baxter is relying on for his secret information:

You knew I couldn't pass up an opportunity to get Corgis in there.  At least it's an opportunity to go out on a positive note.